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|LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 

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I UNITED STATES OP AMERICA. 



EDUCATION OF CHILDREN, 



WHlLt; DNDER THE CARE OF 



PARENTS OR GUARDIANS 



' JOHN HALL, 

PRINCIPAL OF THE ELLINGTON SCHOOL. 



NEW YORK: 
PUBLISHED BY JOHN P. HAVEN, 

148 NASSAU STREET. 



ia35. 






Entered according to the act of Congress, in the year 1835, by 

JOHxN P. HAVEN, 

In the Clerk's office of the District Court of the Southern District of 
New Yorlc. 



WM. VAN NORDKM, PRINT., Ill NASSAU ST. 



RECOMMENDATION. 



I HAVE had an opportunity of examining, in 
part, a wotk of Mr. John Hall, on the educa- 
tion of youth. From this examination, and 
from my long acquaintance with Mr. Hall, and 
my knowledge of his practical good sense as 
the head of a numerous family, I should, as a 
father, greatly desire to have a copy of his 
work for my own personal benefit, and I have 
every reason to believe that its merits would be 
fully appreciated by an intelligent public. 

T. H. Gallaudet. 



CONTENTS 



PAGK 

Introductory Remarks, 9 

CHAPTER I. 

Native dispositions of children too much overlooked — 
not properly checked. — Partiality of parents, and its 
effects 13 

CHAPTER II. 

Personal neglect of parents in conducting- the education 
of their children — entrusted too much to others — 
commitment of it to mothers 27 

CHAPTER III. 

Government of children. — Relaxation in discipline- 
views entertained respecting" it. — Coercion.— Apolo- 
gies for misbehaviour, — IneflBciency of parental g-o- 
vernment in many cases. — Penalties for misconduct 
considered. — Use of the rod — different views concern- 
ing it. — At what age should discipline commence 7 — 
Opinions and practice of some pious parents. — Exam- 
ples of Eli and Abraham compared .... 50 



CONTENT 



CHAPTER IV. 



Style of Intercourse between parents and children. — 
General remarks. — Examples 94 

CHAPTER V. 

Unwillingness of parents to have the faults of their 
children mentioned by other people — why unreaeon- 
able.— Taking" the part of children against their teach- 
ers. — Treatment of friends and neighbors who dis- 
close the faults of children 109 

CHAPTER VI. 

Parental vigilance. — Indiscriminate yielding to child- 
ren's requests. — Allowance of spending-money — and 
other means of self-indulgence. — Withholding of 
restraints. — Ignorance of parents as to the places 
which their children frequent— their companions — 
their unseasonable hours — their employments. — Im- 
portance of harmony between both parents. — Direct 
permission of children to be from home in the night 
season. — Practices in country villages . . . 126 

CHAPTER VII. 

Choice of schools, — Course frequently pursued in select- 
ing one. — What are proper Inquiries to be made re- 
specting schools. — Parental conduct towards children 
when at school. — Representations of the likes and dis- 
likes of the latter— how to be received. — Siding with 
the child against the teacher — directly — and indi- 
rectly. — Selection of proper situations for business — 
things to be regarded 153 



CONTENTS. vii 

CHAPTER VIII. 

Containing- general observations. — Early condition of 
those now in middle life, and possessed of property 
and reputation. — Condition, at this period, of those 
whose parents were wealthy. — Causes of the diflferent 
results. — Danger of departing from the republican 
simplicity of our fathers. — Right education of our 
youth connected with the future welfare of the coun- 
try • . 178 



INTRODUCTORY REMARKS. 



The want of success in the education of 
youth, so that many of them become, in the end, 
vicious, or at best useless characters, is a sub- 
ject of frequent remark, and of deep regret. 
How often are the fondest hopes and tenderest 
affections of parents frustrated by those very 
children on whom they had doted as the pro- 
moters of their greatest earthly comforts, and 
as the props of their declining years. It is not 
the children alone of parents in humble life, nor 
of those who are reckless or profligate ; but of 
the most respectable, wealthy, and even pious, 
who give occasion for such regrets, and spread 
a gloom over those domestic circles which 



10 INTRODUCTORY REMARKS. 

they ought to have cheered and blessed. An 
inquiry, then, into the causes of this evil, so 
generally acknowledged and lamented, cannot 
be inopportune, even if it prove unsuccessful. 

Most treatises on the education of children, 
point out courses to be pursued rather than to 
be avoided ; desirable objects to be aimed at, 
rather than disagreeable ones to be shunned. 
They recommend what is pleasant in the pro- 
cess of training them up for future usefulness, 
and refer but little to what is trying or painful. 
This process is represented as delightful, rather 
than arduous; and we are fitted to meet the 
realities of education, much as the reader of 
novels is prepared to encounter the actual oc- 
currences of life. With what reception a de- 
parture from the more common course may 
meet, and what favorable attention may be 
given to a work which dwells on defects rather 
than on excellencies, and points out the more 
toilsome parts of duty in preference to the more 



INTRODUCTORY REMARKS. U 

pleasurable, is far from being certain. Present 
gratification, rather than ultimate benefit, is that 
which secures to most books the honor of being 
read. With the full consciousness, however, 
of the risk which is incurred, I shall, without 
further prelude, endeavor to consider what are 
some principal defects in the education of child- 
ren, and which, in my own view at least, are to 
be accounted as some of the causes of the evil 
in question. It should be remarked, that the 
education now intended, is that which is con- 
ducted at home by parents themselves, or those 
who supply their places; — that in which the 
formation of character is concerned, and not that 
which relates to the mere improvement of the 
intellect. The very foundation of character, 
that which will render well directed efforts for 
the improvement of the mind and for the at- 
tainment of those habits which are necessary 
to constitute a man of worth, in any depart- 
ment of life, availing, and without Avhich all 



12 INTRODUCTORY REMARKS. 

Other acquisitions are nugatory or hurtful, is the 
more immediate part of education which will be 
considered. Those defects which pertain to 
this branch of education, will, of course, claim 
our principal attention. 



ON THE 



EDUCATION OF CHILDREN 



CHAPTER I. 

Native dispositions of children too much overlooked— not properly 
checked.— Partiality of parents, and its effects. 

The first defect in the education of children 
which I shall mention, and which may be re- 
garded as a fundamental one, results from the 
wrong estimate which many parents form of 
the native character of their offspring. By na- 
tive character, I barely intend that which is 
natural, and common to all; exhibiting itself, 
indeed, in different degrees, and with various 
modifications : yet, in some important respects, 
being one and the same, under whatsoever cir- 
cumstances the subject of it is placed; to whom- 
soever he may be related, and to whatsoever 
condition in life he may be destined. It is a 
truth incontrovertible and of momentous bear- 
ing, that all children, without exception, pos- 
sess tempers that are irascible; dispositions 
2* 



14 ON THE EDUCATION 

which are selfish; propensities, of various 
kinds, which tend to evil ; that they are impa- 
tient of restraint ; that they dislike obedience to 
parental authority any further than it comports 
with their own inclinations; that they are 
averse to regular industry ; and that they pre- 
fer the pleasures of sense to all other gratifica- 
tions. 

The evidence of such a character, as is here 
asserted, is conspicuous throughout the whole 
conduct of children. It is, indeed, so apparent, 
that I should deem it superfluous to undertake 
to substantiate it by proof. If any may choose 
to deny the fact, they would hardly be brought 
to change their opinions by any array of argu- 
ments which might be advanced; and they must 
be allowed to make such use of their contrary 
belief as seems to them best, let the result be as 
it may. Yet would I advise them to re-examine 
the grounds of their dissent. If parental par- 
tiality will not allow them to look with a steady 
and equal eye on the conduct of their own 
children in all its bearings, let them attentively 
watch the children of their neighbors; and, 
after an impartial scrutiny of all which the 
latter exhibit, let them say whether those afford 



OFCHILDREN. 15 

no traces of a character which needs to be 
modified and amended by discipline. Take 
away the objects which please them; cross their 
inclinations; subject them to restraint; stand in 
the way of their gratification ; coerce them to 
do what they dislike ; give their play-things to 
another ; substitute toil for amusement ; and 
then say if you discover no symptoms of re- 
sentment ; no indications of selfishness ; no ap- 
pearance of dispositions which need to be soft- 
ened; of passions which need to be controlled; 
and of antipathies which need to be overcome. 
The great difliculty, however, is, that parents 
who admit the general truth that children are 
naturally wayward, and, as such, require vari- 
ous measures of restraint and coercion, too fre- 
quently fail in applying it to their own families. 
They can easily enough discover marks of per- 
verseness in their neighbors' children, and talk 
of them and complain of them ; but cannot 
trace the same marks in their own. In a fond 
partiality to these objects of their afi'ection, they 
lose sight of the darker shades in their charac- 
ter, and dwell only on those fairer traits which 
present themselves to view, and which perhaps 
are exceedingly magnified by the medium 



16 ON THE EDUCATION 

through which they are discerned. How often 
is the blindness of particular parents to the 
faults of their children, and their extreme in- 
credulity in this respect, the theme of neighbor- 
hood remark. How often do those very child- 
ren who are caressed with the most overween- 
ing fondness at home, and treated there with 
unmingled approbation, and flattered into the 
belief of their own entire perfection, create dis- 
gust wherever they go, by their exhibition of 
fostered pride, of tempers immoderately indulged, 
of effrontery which never was abashed, and of 
desires which had never been chastened, " See 
how that child behaves ;" " there is a spoiled 
child ;" " what a pet child is that ;" is the fa- 
miliar language of other people applied, in a 
thousand instances, to hapless young immortals, 
in whom their deluded parents have as yet dis- 
covered nothing but excellence, and have seen 
nothing which their partial fondness has judged 
amiss. In such a state of things, how is it pos- 
sible that these children can make useful and 
desirable members of society? Why should 
they not form odious characters in after life ? 
The baser principles and motives of action 
have been fostered in them ; they have been 



OFCHILDREN. 17 

accustomed to live only for themselves ; and 
have literally been subjected to no other law 
than that of nature, which is evermore the law 
of appetite assisted by the promptings of desire. 
Discipline is out of the question: for there is no 
discipline where there is no check, no restraint. 
The experience of all ages has taught us, that 
men are, what they are trained up to be ; that the 
formation of the human character commences 
in childhood. Whatever may be the sort of 
character designed to be given to the man, the 
common consent of all mankind has decided 
that you must begin with the child. The veri- 
est savage understands this principle as well as 
the sage. In order to become a warrior, he 
disciplines his child by privations and hardships 
adapted to such a character ; he early instructs 
him in the use of the bow and the tomahawk ; 
teaches him, while young, the war-song and the 
shout of battle ; instils into him the desire of 
warlike distinction ; and stores his mind with 
traditionary legends well adapted to inspire him 
with resolution to do and to suffer whatever, in 
their view of the subject, is necessary for the 
attainment of the one great end. In all states 
of society, in all ages of the world, self-denial. 



18 ONTHEEDUCATION 

in certain respects at least, and the subjugation 
of all those propensities wh^ch are adverse to 
the object aimed at, have been deemed indis- 
pensable to fit young persons to become dis- 
tinguished in that sphere of life which common 
opinion has sanctioned as honorable or useful. 
The only departures from this rule are, to be 
found among those indolent and effeminate 
communities, where nothing active and vigor- 
ous finds admission ; where man is a mere ani- 
mal, and gives himself up to the sole guidance 
of animal instinct. 

Let now all the children of our own happy 
country grow up with those habits of in- 
dulgence and that freedom from restraint with 
which certain parents suffer their children to 
grow up, and how long would it be before a 
moral desolation would come over the land? 
How long would it be before a generation 
would be on the stage, presenting, in frightful 
alternations, the spectacle of slothful effeminacy, 
and conflicting, vindictive passions, with all 
that is disgusting in the one, and dreadful in the 
other? A principal reason why parents who 
do not subject their children to proper discipline, 
iail to take seasonable alarm for the conse- 



OFCHILDREN. 19 

quences of their neglect, is, that they look 
around on the community at large, and find 
that, in general, all is regular and quiet. Such 
is the effect of a better education in other fami- 
lies, that they do not discern the consequences 
of its neglect in their own ; and it is no uncom- 
mon thing for them even to take great credit to 
themselves for a state of order and happiness 
which they never promoted, but took the surest 
measures to subvert. If there is an appearance of 
regularity, and of things as they should be, in 
the young community with which they are en- 
circled, who should be more likely, think they 
to themselves, to produce this effect than our 
own dear children, in whom we have never dis- 
covered any traits of perverseness, and who 
are models of youthful perfection ? But alas ! 
were all to be such models, disastrous would be 
the consequences to the well-being of society. 
Children whose passions have never been 
curbed, whose frowardness has been always 
indulged rather than checked ; who have been 
habitually flattered into a high opinion of their 
own perfect characters, and have had their own 
capricious humors gratified in every thing ; are 
not those, let their parent? ^»ceive themselves 



20 ON THE EDUCATION 

as they will, who do credit to their families or 
constitute the hopes of the rising generation. 

However important may be the truth that 
children naturally possess dispositions, tempers, 
and appetites, which require restraint and dis- 
cipline, and that, consequently, they are imper- 
fect beings, extremely prone to go astray ; and 
however essential it may be to a right edu- 
cation of them, that their parents should be 
thoroughly convinced of this truth ; we never- 
theless see, if the foregoing remarks are correct, 
that the truth is often lost sight of through the 
blind partiality of the latter, and that all the evils 
are experienced which would follow from an en. 
tire denial of this fundamental doctrine. As a 
physician would prescribe but poorly for a pa- 
tient whom he did not believe to be sick, no 
matter how he came by his belief; so a parent 
will prove a poor educator of his child whom 
he considers to be free from fault, whatever 
may be the process by which he came so to con- 
sider him. His treatment, if he is consistent 
with himself, will correspond with his opinion 
of the case to be managed. He will not attempt 
to eradicate what, in his belief, needs no eradi- 
cation ; nor to suppress what requires no sup- 



OFCHILDREN. 21 

pression ; nor to strengthen what is not weak ; 
nor to allay what needs no abatement. What 
he deems to be already right he will endeavor 
to continue ; and what already pleases him he 
will seek to retain. How important then is it 
that we look at our children just as they are. 
How important that we view them with an eye 
of impartiality. If they possess faults, we must 
discern them, or we shall never attempt their 
removal. Our blindness to their faults will not 
remove their reality, nor make others blind to 
them ; nor will it lessen our accountability for 
the faithful discharge of our duty in the trust 
committed to us, but will rather increase our 
culpability in case of failure. Ignorance where 
knowledge is to be had is no plea in bar of 
guilt, when the consequences are evil ; it may 
even constitute the chief part of the oJEFence. 
In a matter so important as the education of 
children, a parent cannot be excusable for not 
making himself acquainted with the true cha- 
racter of the child committed to his care, so 
that he may apply whatever treatment may be 
necessary to his proper moral culture, any more 
than he would be for his ignorance of the fact 
that both himself and child belong to the human 
3 



22 ON THE EDUCATION 

family, or than a physician would be excusable 
for not endeavoring to understand the physical 
structure and constitution of his patients. Mere 
animal instinct, or, in other words, that natural 
fondness which the Almighty has implanted in 
all animals for their own young, is not the 
guide which parents of our race should follow 
in the rearing up of their nobler offspring. It 
may, and will prompt a parent to vigorous 
effort in the defence, protection, and support 
of the object of his love ; and will give him a 
patience and perseverance in its behalf, and a 
strenuousness of zeal in the promotion of its 
welfare, which a stranger never felt, and which 
he cannot know. But this instinctive affection, 
I repeat, must not be his guide. He has a law 
from Heaven ; — and he possesses understanding, 
reason, and a knowledge of duty. He and his 
child are accountable beings ; have volitions 
which they can control, and are destined to an 
immortal existence, for-which this life is a pre- 
paratory state, in which they are called to act 
an important part, proportionate to the capaci- 
ties with which they are endowed. Thus con- 
stituted and placed, every parent should consult 
the true character and interests of his child, 



OFCHILDREN. 23 

subjecting his natural affections to that higher 
law of love which seeks its gratification in pro- 
moting the best good of its object; and in a 
way which reason, and conscience, and an en- 
lightened understanding approve. In man, 
every other use of natural affection is an indi- 
cation of weakness, rather than of wisdom ; and 
the pdssession of it is converted into a snare, 
rather than made subservient to genuine happi- 
ness. 

Should some one here inquire; what, then, 
would you have me to do ? Must I see nothing 
hut faults in my children, and must I overlook 
all their good qualities, and all that is gratifying 
to a parent's feelings? Must I be so fastidious 
as to condemn every little aberration from what 
is strictly proper, and leave nothing to their 
own discovery and correction? — My reply is, 
your danger does not lie in this path. The 
risk is not that you will fail to discover, and to 
appreciate, the better side of your children's 
characters ; nor that you will not leave enough, 
when you have done your best, for themselves 
to rectify and correct. You need no urging, 
no new inducements here. The danger is, that 
you will overrate their excellencies, and over- 



24 ON THE EDUCATION 

look their defects ; and it is the latter, both in 
yourselves and them, of which I have under- 
taken to treat. Were you and they unerring 
and perfect beings, treatises on education would 
be useless. Where there is no danger, no 
warning is necessary. From thirty years' ex- 
perience in matters of education, in various 
forms, and under various circumstances,*during 
which I have had opportunity to notice the man- 
agement of children in many families, and in 
many parts of the country, I am fully persuaded 
that an over-estimation of their good proper- 
ties, and insensibility to their faults, lies at the 
foundation of most of the mistreatment which 
they receive from their parents, and is one of 
the greatest causes of their little success. In 
the topics which are soon to claim our atten- 
tion, this evil is blended with every other, more 
or less, as either giving birth to it, or aiding its 
effects; and, although I may not specifically 
advert to it again under any one head, a little 
reflection on the part of the reader will con- 
vince him of the truth of what is here advanced. 
Let me, then, press the consideration of this 
subject upon every parent, as one in which he 
and his children have a deep interest. Let him 



O F C H I L D R E N . 25 

carefully examine it in all its bearings, with an 
entire willingness, — nay, more, — with a heart- 
felt anxiety, to arrive at the truth, and to do 
whatever a sacred regard to it, and to his child- 
ren's best welfare shall demand. It is not re- 
quired of any one that he shall renounce the 
smallest portion of his parental love and affec- 
tion ; but it is desirable that he should keep 
them under proper check, and employ them only 
in the promotion of the really best interests of 
their engrossing objects. Whoever is a parent, 
provides for himself and his children the great- 
est store of happiness, by training them up to 
virtue and usefulness ; by ascertaining their 
true characters and wants ; and by adapting his 
treatment of them to their actual condition, un- 
influenced by capricious feelings and moment- . 
ary gratifications. In proportion to the intense- 
ness of the delight which he now takes in 
them, will be the bitterness of his grief, 
if, through his own folly and self-indulgence, 
they grow up with confirmed habits of 
depravity ; with no qualifications for useful- 
ness ; a burden on their friends and soci- 
ety ; and with no other requital of misplaced 
parental kindness and love, than a scornful re- 
3* 



26 EDUCATION OF CHILDREN. 

sentment of the admonition which now comes 
too late ; a sullen disregard to those tears 
which their ungrateful conduct has forced from 
a broken heart ; and an obstinate perseverance 
in a career, of which they may possibly discern 
the baseness ; but which they have neither the 
sQlf-denial, nor the manhood to forsake. This 
picture is no caricature, but is a faithful repre- 
sentation of what, in various degrees and pro- 
portions, too many eyes have seen, and too 
many hearts have felt. Can it then be wise to 
slight the timely preventives of the evil, and 
neglect to shut up the avenues through which 
it finds access ; or to fail of early attempting to 
throw obstacles in the way of its approach? 
Can it be wise to slight the manifold evidences 
of danger which are presented to view by so 
many living examples ; to look at the evil 
throug'h an inverted medium, which diminishes 
and obscures the object by throwing it to a dis- 
tance; or to see, and acknowledge, that some 
caution may, indeed, be proper for your neigh- 
bor, but that you — yourself, are not the man? 



CHAPTER II 



Personal neglect of parents in conducting the education of their chil- 
dren. — Enirusted too much to others. — Commitment of it to mothers. 



A WANT of vigilance in superintending the 
education of children while at home, is the next 
defect which will claim our attention. If there 
is any business which requires unremitted care- 
fulness in the proper conducting of it, and in 
which negligence is attended with disastrous 
results, it would seem to admit of little question, 
that the one under consideration is of that 
kind. Property lost through temporary neg- 
lect, may be recovered ; office missed through 
untimely inaction, may be yet obtained ; and 
various objects of pursuit, which, though greed- 
ily coveted, are lost by the neglect of present 
opportunities, may still be possessed at some 
future day ; but the foundation of character, 
the constituent elements of good behavior, and 
of useful manhood, if not formed and substan- 
tially laid in the season of childhood and youth, 



28 ON THE EDUCATION 

are not, with scarcely an exception, formed and 
laid at all ; — the opportunity of doing it has 
passed by, and gone forever. On this point 
there is no mistake, and can be none. Here, at 
least, I may take strong ground, and fearlessly 
challenge a dissent from any portion of the 
adult community. It is notorious, indeed, that 
many parents make great allowances for the 
faults of their children when quite young, and 
rely upon time, and the approaching good sense 
of the latter to cure the evil, at some unknown, 
future day ; but none, it is believed, extend this 
period of hope, and of cure, beyond their arri- 
val at complete maturity. If no good founda- 
tion be laid previous to this time, there is no 
pretence that it can be reasonably expected 
afterwards. 

Plain, however, as the foregoing truth may 
be, there are parents who seem to lose sight of 
it entirely, and to give less attention to the edu- 
cation of their children, in that period of life 
when attention to it would do them any good, 
than they devote to almost every other object 
of pursuit. There are those who will sacrifice 
the future well-being of their offspring to the 
love of present ease, or of pleasure. To them 



OFCHILDREN. 29 

the care of their children is a trouble, a burden, 
which they are unwilling to take upon them- 
selves, and which they seek to devolve upon 
others. If poor, they abandon their children to 
their own inclination ; allow them to wander 
about in idleness ; and neglect to provide for 
them some suitable occupation, by which they 
might be kept from present mischief, and be 
making provision for future usefulness, and hap- 
piness. If able in reality, or in imagination, to 
meet the expense, their children are turned over 
to the care of others, who are strangers to pa- 
rental feelings, and who have but feeble appre- 
hensions of the responsibility which is thus 
transferred to them. These substitutes of vari- 
ous names, may be faithful, or they may not be. 
If they prove to be of the latter description, 
who can compute the evil which must ensue 
from the unfaithful discharge of such a trust? 
Even if they prove to be faithful, they may be 
wholly incompetent to their work; and then the 
evil will be scarcely diminished. Yet allow 
them their full share of competence and fidelity, 
they can never have a parent's solicitude, a 
parent's love, a parent's patience, nor a parent's 
authority. The parent himself is left in igno- 



30 ON THE EDUCATION 

ranee of much which he ought to know — it 
may be, of what he is unwilling to know. His 
child, perhaps, is a very different being from 
what he imagines ; is forming habits of which 
he has no suspicion ; encountering dangers of 
which he is not aware ; acquiring principles at 
which he would shudder ; and is on a career of 
ruin of which he never dreamed. All this, too, 
a parentis vigilance, affection, and authority, 
might have checked and prevented, when a 
stranger's interference, however well aimed and 
intended, could only be unavailing ; and thus 
is the object of such fond affection, and of so 
many hopes ; a being capable of so much hap- 
piness ; a young immortal fitted to adorn and to 
bless society, sacrificed to his parents' love of 
ease and pleasure — to their unwillingness to 
encounter the little trouble which might have 
prevented all this loss, and which natural instinct 
would have prompted them to take, had it not 
been obliterated by artificial aids, or overcome 
by the undue preponderance of other gratifica- 
tions. 

Of that species of neglect to which I have 
just adverted, there are various degrees. There 
are gradations of it, from the entire abandon- 



OFCHILDREN. 31 

merit of children to the direction and control 
of others, down to a slight departure, only, from 
what strict propriety would require. But the 
effect is usually proportionate to its cause. The 
evil of a smaller degree of remissness in attend- 
ing to the education of children, may not equal 
a greater degree of it ; still, its effects are not 
doubtful. If the constant, unremitted, care and 
vigilance of the parent is not too much to be 
given to the proper education of his children 
in order to secure their best interest, then any 
less degree of the same, is too little ; and in a 
case of such importance, why should not all 
be done which can be? — But after all, the con- 
sequences of neglect, however real, are not 
always in exact proportion to the degree of it, 
but oftentimes much exceed it. A few in- 
stances, merely, of inattention, may have been 
sufficient to expose a child to irrecoverable 
ruin, as effectually as a uniform course of it 
might have done. Nay, more, a single act of 
omission in this respect, on the part of the 
parents, may have been the occasion of intro- 
ducing their child to temptations which he 
never afterward found strength to resist, and of 
introducing him to companions who finally 



32 ON THE EDUCATION 

allured him to ruin. It is a rule of general 
application, that wherever vigilance is required 
at all, it is required to be uniform. A sentinel 
is stationed on his watch to avoid surprise ; if 
he falls asleep, or is otherwise remiss, he puts 
every thing to hazard. He may never sleep 
but once, but that once may be as though he 
had slept forever. It was then when the ene- 
my came, and the unguarded place was carried 
by surprise. Such, and many other considera- 
tions, should warn parents against neglecting 
the interests of their children, from an aversion 
to the trouble which it may cost them to do 
their duty in this respect, or from a love of indo- 
lence, or from the false expectation of greater 
pleasure in a daily round of giving and receiv- 
ing visits, in frequenting places of fashionable 
resort, in giving way to detrimental indulgences, 
or in the pursuit of any object which diverts 
their minds, or their hearts, from the faithful 
discharge of that trust which God has committed 
to them. 

The parents to whom I have just alluded, can 
have little apology to make for their neglect, 
and are entitled to little commiseration, on their 
own account, for the evils which they incur. 



OFCHILDREN. 33 

Their conduct is wholly voluntary, and, whether 
judged by reason or by revelation, is of a censur- 
able character. But there is a different class 
of individuals, whose situation is such as entitles 
their apologies to respectful consideration ; and 
whose misfortunes derived from the misbehavior 
of their children, demand our sympathy. I refer 
to those whose attention is so much engrossed 
by business concerns, as to leave them little 
opportunity to superintend, as they otherwise 
would, the education of their children. Men 
engaged in extensive mercantile pursuits, in 
professional business, and who occupy high 
official stations, have little comparative leisure 
for the due administration of their family con- 
cerns. The performance of that duty is, at least, 
exposed to great interruptions, and attended with 
much irregularity. Their views in regard to 
the management of their children may be cor- 
rect, and their anxiety for their welfare suffi- 
ciently intense ; but these views, and this anx- 
iety, are unavailing, because the never-ceasing 
avocations of life leave no room for any thing 
besides. The children are consigned to the 
care of other guardians than those appointed 
by nature, while their parents are held in igno- 
4 



34 ON THE EDUCATION 

ranee of their characters, their wants, and 
their prospects. A gentleman of great distinc- 
tion, not now living, who had been for many- 
years a leading member of Congress, once said 
to an instructer who, through fear of giving 
offence, or of not being readily believed, had 
been telling him with some hesitation of man- 
ner, certain defects in the character of his son, 
then under the care of the latter ; " I wish you 
to tell me frankly all which you know in rela- 
tion to my son, for you are better acquainted 
with him than I am, and I place entire confi- 
dence in your relation. I have been for many 
years so much from home, that I feel myself to be 
almost a stranger to my family, and I have re- 
signed my place in Congress, that I may be- 
come acquainted with my children, and attend 
to their education."* How many parents are, 
and have been, similarly situated in regard to 
their families, from various causes, though all 

* This g-entleman retired from Congress, to the great 
regret of his friends, at a time when his services there were 
considered to be almost indispensable. The true reason of his 
retiring was as stated above, although it was never assigned 
to the public. It should be added, that his family had no 
occasion to regret this measure. 



OFCHILDREN. 35 

may not be equally frank and honest-hearted 
in acknowledging the truth, or equally prompt 
to forego the pleasure of popularity, or the 
love of gain, to secure the more quiet joys of 
domestic life, and the satisfaction of training 
up their children for future usefulness. — But to 
whatever apologies neglects of this kind may 
be entitled, the consequences of them are not 
less serious than if they resulted from more 
exceptionable causes. Some allowances may, 
indeed, be made on the score of a better exam- 
ple set before the children; but the general 
effect, in both cases, must be nearly the same. 
Neglect of education, come how it will, is of 
evil tendency ; and the truth of this position is 
amply attested, both by theory and experience. 
After all that may be said in excuse for those 
parents whom business, in various forms, di- 
verts from the personal management of their 
children, and however liberal we may be in 
extending our sympathies to them, it may ne- 
vertheless admit of some question whether 
they themselves, or some of them at least, are 
not more ready to claim justification than the 
actual state of facts, if attentively regarded, 
would really warrant. Duty would seem to 



36 ON THE EDUCATION 

demand that every parent should make it a se- 
rious inquiry how far he is authorized by the 
law of love to his offspring and his family, 
to engage in such an amount of business, of 
what kind soever, as to banish him from the 
bosom of a family of which he has voluntarily 
made himself the head, to say nothing of that 
relation as constituted by Heaven ; as to keep 
him ignorant of concerns which no one else 
should know so well ; and as to abandon, to 
the care of others, those whom nature and 
affection have taught to seek in him a guardian 
and guide. Great must be the emolument 
which business creates, and ample the honor 
which office bestows, to compensate for the 
ruin of a child, whose welfare has been sacri- 
ficed to the pursuit of these objects. Most 
persons engaged in business will say that, on 
their children's account, they toil ; that for 
them they endeavor to amass property which 
they may afterwards enjoy. The man in 
office will perhaps say, that he derives his 
chief happiness from the consideration that he 
is shedding lustre upon his family, and intro- 
ducing his children to an honorable notice 
from the world. But what estate is so large 



OFCHILDREN. 37 

that a profligate son will not soon squander it 
away? What lustre can the highest official 
station give, which an abandoned child will not 
quickly tarnish ? Of what avail is it to acquire 
property for one who neither knows its value, 
nor how to preserve it? Or of what use is it 
to endeavor to dignify one whose character is 
essentially base ? The man who has arrived 
at opulence, or has acquired but a moderate 
fortune, knows full well that he owes his suc- 
cess to a course of patient and persevering in- 
dustry, united with prudence and economy. 
He knows that without them, he must have 
been poor ; and he will readily accede to the 
truth of a common remark, that property is 
more easily acquired, than kept. Yet he is 
careless of forming in his children those habits 
which were indispensable to his own prosper- 
ity, and of imbuing their minds with those 
principles of economy which he admits to be 
absolutely necessary to their long enjoyment 
of the wealth which he has so diligently labor- 
ed to accumulate. Strange, but most true it is, 
that men should so forget the principles and 
the process of their own conduct, sanctioned 
by their own successful experience, and ac- 
4* 



38 ON THE EDUCATION 

knowledged by themselves to have been abso- 
lutely essential to their own prosperity, when 
they came to be parents, and to sustain the re- 
sponsibility of educating those other parts of 
themselves — their children. Would it not be 
well for parents sometimes to reflect, whether 
it would not be better for their families to be a 
little less wealthy, if, in consequence of it, their 
children might be rendered more capable of 
using what they did possess to better advan- 
tage ? Suppose that a legal practitioner should 
annually have some fewer cases in his docket ; 
a physician should attend to somewhat fewer 
patients ; a placeman should not continue quite 
so long in office, or be content to hold some- 
what fewer posts ; a merchant should be con- 
tent with a sphere of business somewhat more 
contracted ; the manufacturer should put some 
fewer hundred spindles into operation ; and the 
speculator should lose now and then a bargain ; 
might not each, in many instances, be compen- 
sated an hundred fold in the benefit done to his 
children by his own personal superintendence 
of their early education — by forming in them 
the love and practice of order, obedience, mo- 
rality, temperance, and economy? Mere eco- 



OFCHILDREN. 39 

nomy, on their own part, and the acquisition of 
"riches that will" not "take to themselves 
wings and fly away," I have no doubt would 
be much oftener promoted, than is commonly 
imagined, by such a procedure. I am acquaint- 
ed with facts on this subject very much to the 
point, and which would speak a powerful lan- 
guage to those who could receive it. Multi- 
tudes of parents have become converts to the 
opinion here intimated, after experiencing the 
fruits of a contrary course, and when conver- 
sion came too late to prevent the mischiefs 
already realized. Why cannot men be wise in 
season, where such interests are at stake, and 
where principles and facts of acknowledged 
authority unite their testimony in behalf of the 
truth? — Much more could be said on this 
branch of the general subject, but my limits 
forbid it. Sufficient hints have been given to 
elicit inquiry, and to invite reflection ; and it is 
hoped that all whose circumstances in life place 
them within the range of these remarks, will 
give them the attention which they shall seem 
to deserve. 

Some one may here say, that he is well aware 
that the urgent demands of business have pre- 



40 ON THE EDUCATION 

vented him from bestowing much attention to 
the education of his sons ; but then he has felt 
quite easy on this head, for they have an excel- 
lent mother, who devotes the greatest part of 
her time to the formation of their characters, 
and is fully competent to the task. Many 
fathers, beyond doubt, have rested satisfied 
with a similar persuasion, and supposed that 
in confiding their sons to maternal guidance, 
they had done all which was necessary in the 
case. Waving, however, all queries as to the 
benevolence and kindness of throwing all the 
burden of educating his sons on their " excel- 
lent mother," I must be allowed to call in ques- 
tion the full propriety of this measure. Far, 
very far, is it from my wish to undervalue, or 
disesteem a mother's importance in the educa- 
tion of her children. To her daughters, in 
every period of their minority, her value is in- 
estimable ; and in their early childhood, scarce- 
ly less is her value to her sons. Thus far, let 
all the importance be given in her station in the 
family, which the most ardent encomiast of her 
worth can desire. Let us go still further, and 
appreciate the influence of her example, of her 
precepts, and her counsel on the character of 



F C II I L D R E N . 41 

her sons as they approach to manhood, in 
strains of admiring eulogy ; there is still a 
point at which I must stop, and assert the 
value of a father. In the ordinances of Pro- 
vidence, there is nothing exclusive, nothing 
superfluous. One of these ordinances is, that 
father and mother shall jointly constitute the 
parental relation ; and that each shall have ap- 
propriate duties to perform. Neither of the 
parties can ever be a complete substitute for 
the other. Yet, if I am not mistaken, this or- 
dinance of Heaven is, at the present day, some- 
vi^hat overlooked. It has, to some extent, be- 
come fashionable — and what is it that does not 
have its fashions? — to eulogize a mother's im- 
portance in the work of education, at the ex- 
pense of the father's. The latter, at least, 
seems to be lost sight of in the general mass of 
well meant encomiums passed on the female 
sex, and especially on the pre-eminent value of 
the maternal relation, in the current of popular 
treatises on this subject which almost daily 
issue from the press, and in the promiscuous 
conversations upon it which are every where 
heard.* The paramount influence of the mo- 

* A very respectable, well informed, and pious lady, who 
was left a widow with several daughters, and an only son, 



42 ONTHEEDUCATION 

ther, in some instances, is made almost an article 
of religious faith; and shall I, can I, be pardoned, 
if I add, that there seems to be a sort of reli- 
gious gallantry on this point ; one which claims 
recognizance, under no dubious penalties ? 

All this comes in aid of the father's readiness 
to excuse himself for yielding up the manage- 
ment of his children to the superior tact and 
competence of their own mother, and helps to 
render him excused. Still I must maintain, at 
some hazard perhaps, that there is a time, in 

under her care, once said to an acquaintance of hers that, 
irreparable as was the loss of her husband to herself and to 
her children, yet she considered that the loss would have 
been more injurious to her son, had she been taken away in- 
stead of the father. This she said, not from any under-esti- 
mate of her husband, for he was highly valued and lamented 
by her, was pious, and had been liberally educated, but in all 
singleness of heart, and with the full conviction of the gene- 
ral truth, that a mother is of more importance to a son, dur- 
ing every period of his minority, than a father. 'J'his proposi- 
tion she, in fact, defended with immediate allusion to her 
own son, then fifteen years of age, and about to enter a situ- 
ation respecting which a father's counsel and direction would 
once have been thought needful. It should be added, that 
this son seemed in a peculiar manner to require a father's 
authority and control, provided such authority and control 
are of any value. — This is given as one case in point. — How 
many other such cases may there be 1 



OFCHILDREN. 43 

the minority of boys, when a father's counsels, 
wisdom, and firmness, and a father's authority, 
are demanded. Boys grow restive under ma- 
ternal restraint, at an earlier age than is gene- 
rally believed. They consider it humiliating to 
submit to female authority. In her presence 
they may treat her with apparent deference, 
but they have many mental reservations all the 
time ; many inward purposes and secret plans, 
of which she is unconscious. In her absence, 
these purposes and plans are carried into effect 
in a thousand ways which a mother's delicacy 
cannot examine, nor her sagacity penetrate. 
Her daughters may be patterns of submission 
and obedience to her will ; but her sons will re- 
member that they are boys, and that their 
mother is a woman ; and they will deem it un- 
masculine to be entirely subject to female con- 
trol. They will consider it manly to break 
through such restraints, and assert the honor of 
their sex. If such thoughts and feelings do not 
spring up spontaneously within them, there are 
never wanting other boys to bring these things 
to their remembrance. This is no fictitious re- 
presentation. I have boys now in my eye who 
manifest all these thoughts and feelings, while 



44 ON THE EDUCATION 

their mothers are unconscious of the truth, and 
whom no argumentation, in all probability, 
could persuade of its existence. Boys easily 
learn that there is no readier way of accomplish- 
ing their purposes of being men, than to keep 
their mothers in quiet security ; while in their 
presence, they will condescend to reciprocate 
any amount of caresses and endearments, and 
to manifest any degree of orderly, and, some- 
times, of even devout behaviour, provided, in 
their absence, they can pursue their own way 
without more inquiry or molestation. How 
often have I most earnestly wished, and how 
often have I known others as earnestly wish, 
that mothers might be fully apprized of the real 
situation and conduct of their sons ; and how 
often have I known the plainest hints and inti- 
mations of the truth, and even the direct ex- 
posure of it, disregarded. " My son has always 
appeared so kind, and affectionate, and so ready 
to comply with all my wishes whenever he has 
been with me, I am compelled to believe that 
there must be some mistake in this matter; nay 
more, I have taken pains to acquaint him with 
what I have heard, without letting him know 
how I heard, and he assures me that things are 



OF CHILDREN. 45 

misrepresented, and wonders how I should think 
that he would do thus and so, and grieve and af- 
flict his mother. Boys, you know, are exposed to 
have their enemies, and it is very possible that 
my son has his. Besides, he appears so sin- 
cere, and so willing to converse with me on the 
subject, that I cannot help giving credit to what 
he says." Such is substantially the language 
which the attempts of friends to give informa- 
tion to mothers respecting their sons, too often 
elicit. 

Now that fathers always conduct with pro- 
priety in the education of their sons, or that in 
no cases mothers will do even better than they, 
is not pretended. Let no disparagement what- 
ever, I repeat, be done to the latter, and let 
there be no over-valuation of the former. The 
truth nevertheless is, and should be told, that 
whenever boys arrive at that age, as they 
always do, when they begin to consider it un- 
manly to submit altogether to female discipline, 
then is the time when a father's authority should 
be known and felt. He, at least, should be re- 
cognised as a man. There is something in a 
father's sternness, and firm dignity, which ad- 
mits of no substitute. He can follow his son 
5 



46 ON THE EDUCATION 

into places where no mother would be allowed 
to go ; can put questions to him from which she 
would shrink ; is well acquainted with springs 
of action of which she knows nothing ; sees 
things in various relations to which she is blind ; 
is intimate with many facts to which she is a 
stranger; and possesses nerve which she is de- 
nied. The father, too, is almost invariably less 
incredulous on the subject of his son's failings; 
he listens with more attentiveness to the story 
of his faults, and is more ready to discover and 
apply the remedy. His authority in coercing 
obedience is vastly greater, and he is less the 
subject of the false pity which would spare the 
offender present pain, at the hazard of future 
ruin. His knowledge of the world, and of 
what is necessary to qualify a young man to 
enter upon the stage of life advantageously, is 
incomparably superior. If this be a correct 
statement of the case, can it be prudent, or 
proper, for any father to withdraw himself from 
the care of his sons, without the most cogent 
reasons, or some actual necessity ? What can 
better employ his time, his talents and atten- 
tion, than fitting his sons to be ornaments of 
society, and to be a crown of glory to his hoary 



OFCHILDREN. 47 

hairs ? Rarely can a man serve his country so 
well in any other way as by presenting to it a 
family of sons and daughters, well trained and 
disciplined, and amply qualified to act a useful 
and honorable part in the various stations which 
they may be called to fill. A good name, 
founded on real worth of character, is of more 
value than riches ; and better is it for a young 
man to begin the world pennyless, with this in 
possession, than to be the owner of large 
estates, and the inheritor of paternal fame, with 
neither the disposition nor the ability to main- 
tain them. There is no truer maxim than this, 
that every man is the maker of his own fortune. 
He cannot become wise, nor good, nor great, 
by proxy : and the earlier he is made to believe, 
and act upon this truth, the better. Let no pa- 
rent, then, suppose that his own children are 
exemptions from the common lot of humanity ; 
but if he will so consider them, there should.be 
no wonder if he meets with disappointment. 

When children are deprived of the guidance 
of one, or both, of their parents by an act of 
Divine Providence, although the bereavement 
be great, and severe, yet the hand which afl^licts 
has palliatives to bestow, and commonly miti- 



48 ON THE EDUCATION 

gates the evil by dispensations of mercy, such 
as becomes infinite wisdom to provide, and infi- 
nite goodness to confer. In place of these na- 
tural guides and helps, other assistants are usu- 
ally raised up ; new friends appear, or old ones 
are made more useful ; temptations are remov- 
ed, or their force abated ; new sympathies are 
excited in behalf of the sufferer ; and in a thou- 
sand ways it is made apparent, that He who 
permits not a sparrow to fall without his notice, 
will care for those little ones whose welfare he 
commits to other hands, but whom he has never 
deserted. Not so, however, are we authorized 
to expect an alleviation of the ills which our 
own folly, or neglect, has brought upon us. 
The privations and evils which we voluntarily 
and unnecessarily procure to ourselves, we shall 
be left to bear. We are neither disposed, nor 
should we be permitted, if we were, so much as 
to ask deliverance from evils of our own volun- 
tary procurement. The dying parent may, 
with strong hope and confidence, commend his 
tender orphans to the safe keeping of their 
Heavenly Father, and may take his flight into 
far distant regions, serene, and happy in the be- 
lief that He, who kindly and safely bears him- 



OFCHILDRKN. 49 

self away, will make these beloved ones the ob- 
jects of his care. But he who voluntarily, and 
without sufficient cause, and in the full vigor of 
life, abandons his children to their own way, or 
places them within reach of temptations, or neg- 
lects any part of his parental duties towards 
them, must not expect the same divine assist- 
ance to keep them back from evil, and bear 
them through the season of childhood unhurt. 
He has made himself answerable for the conse- 
quences which may follow, however painful 
they may be, and, in the retrospect of his do- 
ings, finds himself destitute of the feeble conso- 
lation, that he is suffering evils which he could 
not avoid. 



CHAPTER III. 

Government of Children. — Relaxation in discipline — views enter- 
tained respecting it.— Coercion. — Apologies for misbehaviour. 
Inefficiency of parental government in many cases.— Penalties for 
misconduct considered.— Use of the rod— different views concern- 
ing it.— At what age should discipline commence 1— Opinions and 
practice of some pious parents. — Examples of Eli and Abraham 
compared. 

Unless I am much deceived, there has been, 
for a considerable length of time past, a gradual 
relaxation in what is properly called family- 
government, or discipline. For the last twenty- 
five years, much has been said and published, 
in various forms, on the subject of education. 
Many projects have been started, many schemes 
devised, and much money expended, to render 
the whole business of education more perfect. 
That these efforts have thrown considerable 
light on the general subject, and that they have 
done much good by the inquiries which they 
have elicited, and by many practical results 
which have followed, cannot be denied. But 
that as much good has resulted from them as 



EDUCATION OF CHILDREN. 51 

some appear to imagine, and that no errors 
have been propagated in the dissemination of 
truths, I cannot readily concede. Theories are 
neither to be rejected nor received, merely be- 
cause they are new. They must be submitted 
to examination, and stand or fall as truth and 
reason shall determine. 

Among other claims to improvement during 
this period of time, it has been more than insi- 
nuated that the family discipline of our fore- 
fathers WSLS too severe, and that both reason and 
nature demand a gentler regimen, and a milder 
treatment. It is always easier to descend, than 
to climb ; and that which comes to us under the 
guise of gentleness, finds us more attentive au- 
ditors, than what is presented under a more 
rugged aspect. Hence the transition was easy 
from the rigid exactness of our fathers who 
lived in the eighteenth century, to the laxer 
views which characterize their descendants of 
the nineteenth. I shall not institute a compari- 
son between the opinions on this subject which 
have been respectively entertained by the two 
parties ; although I must be allowed to say, in 
consideration of the sweeping remarks which 
are sometimes thrown out in condemnation of 



52 ON THE EDUCATION 

the former, that it seems mysterious how a sys- 
tem of education, which was entirely and radi- 
cally bad, should have trained a generation to 
act, on the stage of life, so glorious a part as 
that which our fathers acted through their revo- 
lutionary struggle with the mother country, and 
in the years which immediately succeeded. 
Should we of the present day, and our children 
with us, do better or more nobly than they, 
with all the refinements and improvements of 
which we boast ? 

The opinion is extensively adopted at the 
present day, that coercive measures to secure 
obedience on the part of children, if adopted at 
all, should be deferred until their minds shall 
be sufficiently matured to understand fully the 
nature and intendment of discipline. It may be 
admitted, in the gross, that at some future time, 
which possibly will never arrive, some degree 
of coercion may be used with propriety. At pre- 
sent, however, " the child is too young ; he is too 
feeble, too delicate, too sensitive, to meet with se- 
verity. It would make him too nervous, too stu- 
pid, too timid ; and what is worse, it would make 
him afraid of his parents, and so he would never 
love them." Let him be ever so peevish, petu- 



OFCHILDREN. 53 

lant, waspish, and unmanageable, there is some 
excuse for it all. •' The darling child has just 
waked up ; has slept too little, or has slept too 
long ; has been suffering from cold, or from 
heat; is believed to be unwell, for his face is 
unusually flushed, and he has acted just in this 
manner for several days ; he is afraid, or dis- 
likes, to see strangers : his little sister just now 
got away his playthings, or, what is equally to 
the purpose, he wants hers ; he was never 
known to act so bad before ;" while the fond 
expressions of the parent and the looks of all 
present clearly intimate the hope, though for 
different reasons, that he never will again. The 
child, at length, outlives the season for this kind 
of excuses, but new ones are at hand. He be- 
comes forward, pert, impudent, and saucy. 
"These are indications of smartness, and of 
talent; they may be carried a little too far, but 
discretion at that age is not to be expected, and 
as he grows older his exuberant feelings will 
abate." If he plays the truant, "boys, you know, 
are apt to do so ; they are naturally indisposed 
to regular application, but when they are old 
enough to see its importance, they will, of their 
own accord, apply themselves to business. 



54 ON THE EDUCATION 

Children must have their sports and amuse- 
ments, and their own way in many things ; to 
curb their inchnations when they are so young, 
and to subject them to strict rules of discipline 
would endanger their health, cause them to be 
dumpish, and would make them appear like lit- 
tle old men and women, just like Mr. such a 
one's children, who look so grave, so demure, 
and so dejected, for want of more liberty, it 
makes my heart ache to see them. I do not 
believe that one of them would, for the world, 
venture across the way to see a playmate with- 
out their father's or mother's permission. I 
cannot be so very choice and tender of my 
children as to keep them always at home, never 
trusting them out of my sight. It will be seen, 
in the end, whose boys are the smartest. The 
other children, I know, get the best lessons at 
school, now; but they have to study all the 
time to do it ; and the instructor tells me that 
he wonders how mine recite half as well as they 
do, for their eyes are scarcely ever on their 
books ; and he has no doubt that they might be 
equal to any in the school, if they would. My 
boys, it is true, are sometimes charged with be- 
ing a little mischievous, and roguish ; but all 



OFCHILDREN. 55 

boys are apt to be so who have wit and talents. 
I love to see them cheerful and lively, and have 
been amused to see their cunning, roguish 
tricks, and sly frolics ; but I always caution 
them not to carry their jokes too far." — If these 
frolicksome lads should now and then get into 
a broil with their fellows, and exchange a round 
or two of blows, they will probably be received 
at home with the condoling inquiry, in the first 
place, "what naughty boys were they who hurt 
my dear little darlings ?" To this gratifying 
assurances will follow, that they shall never do 
so again. Or should a sense of justice and pro- 
priety so far prevail as to induce some inquiry 
into the causes, and the beginning of the affair, 
the examination will perhaps close with the 
very grave and important injunction, "whenever 
you get into such a quarrel in future, do you 
always remember, my children, never to strike 
first V At a more advanced stage, the child- 
ren put on airs of importance, and plainly inti- 
mate that they know how to take care of them- 
selves, and neither wish, nor need the continual 
inspection of others. This is pronounced to be 
natural, and characteristic of youth ; and being 
a mere matter of course, it should excite no 



56 ON THE EDUCATION 

concern. " They are beginning to feel like 
young gentlemen, and these first attempts of 
the kind, though somewhat rude, need to be en- 
couraged rather than repressed." These young 
gentlemen, perhaps, begin to make further es- 
says at manly gentility ; are out from home late 
in evenings, and finally, late at night : acquire 
by degress the habit of profanity ; like an oc- 
casional ride of pleasure, not precisely with 
such companions, nor to such places, nor under 
such circumstances, as the parents, if left to 
themselves, would choose, but such as, never- 
theless, "young folks are wont to be pleased 
with ;" possibly they drink rather more than is 
consistent with sobriety of behaviour, and ca- 
rouse a little too hard to render them fit for 
any profitable pursuit for a few days afterward. 
They may do, every day, things which they 
cautiously conceal from their parents, and may 
have learned the genteel, and significant lan- 
guage, so much in vogue, — " what would the old 
man," or "the old woman," or "the old folks 
say, if they knew what we are about ?" They 
may have acquired the art of obtaining money 
from their parents under feigned pretences, and 
of spending it in disgraceful practices ; they 



OFCHILDREN. 57 

may have become adepts in cheating them dex- 
terously ; and may have gradually become so 
familiar with false representations, as to lose the 
consciousness of their turpitude. All these 
things, and many others alike objectionable, 
may happen, and, what is more to the purpose, 
have happened, without any direct and effectual 
reprehension on the part of the parents. If 
these children absent themselves from home till 
a late hour in the evening or night, the parents 
wish, indeed, that they could be contented with- 
out so doing; "but it is no worse," it will be 
sometimes said, "than they themselves did at 
that age ; it would be wrong never to allow 
them to be away at unseasonable hours ; when 
they are just beginning to feel themselves to be 
men, it would injure their ambition to lay them 
under too much restraint. As to profanity, we 
never mean to allow it in our children, what- 
ever we may do ourselves ; or, we wholly and 
entirely disapprove of it, and disallow it in 
every shape, and have often so informed our 
children ; nor can we think that they practise 
it to much extent. We shall tell our boys 
again, that we do not permit it;" — and — the 
boys swear on. If they take occasional jaunts 



5S ON THE EDUCATION 

of pleasure, and attend, now and then, a mid- 
night carousal, " young people are always fond 
of such amusements ; it is a time of life when 
the feelings are buoyant ; we do not approve of 
excess in these matters, more than you do, and 
our children are well acquainted with our views 
on this subject. We always tell them that ex- 
cessive indulgence is wrong, and ungentleman- 
ly ; but, to be candid, — that they should always 
keep themselves within the strict requirements 
of prudence, is more than we expect, and there 
is evermore a hazard of augmenting the evil by 
being over-particular in measures of restraint. 
If we trust our children from our sight at all, 
they will sometimes fall into company such as 
we do not like, and happen at places where we 
should not wish them to be, and be placed in 
circumstances which it would be well enough 
to avoid ; but the world is full of its tempta- 
tions, and it is better to allow our children to 
meet with them by degrees, while we are able 
to point out to them the consequences, and put 
them on their guard in future, than expose them 
to the danger of encountering these temptations 
all at once, without experience of their number, 
or their tendency. If they drink a little too 



OFCHILDREN. 59 

much wine, and carouse so hard as to stupify 
them somewhat for a succeeding day or too, 
this is no uncommon occurrence among youths 
of their age, who think it manly to be adven- 
turous and are ambitious to go as far as their 
companions. They will get the better of such 
things when they come to reflect, like Mr. A., 
who, we remember, once or twice got tipsey 
when we were boys, but is now as regular a 
man as the place affords. In regard to their 
practising concealment, nobody would wish to 
have all his actions inspected even by his 
equals, and much less by his superiors ; we can 
never consent to place spies upon the conduct 
of our children when they are absent, especially 
by our own permission ; and the nature of 
things forbids that we should be constantly with 
them. The epithets of "old man," "old wo- 
man," "old folks," do not exactly please us, we 
admit; perhaps our boys may sometimes use 
this language, when they have taken some of- 
fence, or in the way of showing off their inde- 
pendence to their companions ; but they never 
do it in our presence, nor would they venture 
to do it there. — Ah well ! we are beginning to 
grow rather older than we once were — and we 



60 O N T H E E D U C A T I O N 

must — we suppose — make up our minds to be 
told of it, whether we like it or not, — but we 
shall take care, we assure you, that our child- 
ren say no such things — to our face ! — As for 
their obtaining money under false pretences, 
and playing off their other deceptions, we are 
not so easily cheated as you imagine. They 
sometimes think that they have taken us in, but 
we see through it all, though we do not suffer 
them to know it. We can look as honest, and 
as grave, as they can ; although, at times, we 
can hardly refrain from smiling at their arch- 
ness, and their shrewd deportment. If they lay 
traps for us, we can lay traps, too, for them ; 
and it is amusing to see how we can make them 
explain away all improper intentions, when 
they are fairly caught ; how slily they will 
parry every charge, and what marvellous ex- 
cuses they will invent for doing as they have. 
By this sort of management we never fail of 
bringing them to a sense of shame, and, in con- 
clusion, of obtaining from them the fairest pro- 
mises of future honesty. Such young folks are 
oftentimes surprisingly sly, and cunning in their 
tricks, and we have frequently remarked that 
the brightest lads are the fullest of their pranks. 



O F C II I L D R E N. 61 

We do not believe that our children will tell a 
downright lie, though they have been charged 
with doing it. There is something so gross, 
and so depraved, in direct and deliberate false- 
hood, that our very hearts recoil at the thought, 
and we ought never to believe a child capable 
of it without the strongest evidence. In the va- 
rious examinations of our children, we could 
never discover those marks of guilt which they 
must have betrayed had they told a wilful lie ; 
their countenances were too unmoved, and they 
too pertinaciously insisted on their innocence, 
to admit of such a conclusion. They have 
surely been cautioned enough against every 
error of this kind, at home, at sabbath schools, 
and elsewhere, to know how wrong it is, and 
how much it is opposed to our views and 
wishes." 

The whole matter of treatment and apology 
may, in other cases, stand thus. " Our children, 
we well know, have their faults. When these 
are mentioned to us we fully admit them, and 
are in no wise disappointed. We are sorry, 
sincerely sorry, that such should be the fact. 
They have our best desires for their welfare, 

our counsels and our prayers. We have talked 

6* 



62 ON THE EDUCATION 

to them again, and again ; have advised them 
what to do, and what to shun ; have strictly en- 
joined it upon them to read good books — to 
have none but good companions, and to lead 
honest and useful lives. They have much of 
the old Adam, in them, just as all other children 
have, and we expect that they will do a great 
many wrong things ; but we hope to see them 
improve, and in the end to become very wise, 
very virtuous, and very worthy members of 
society." 

Such is an abbreviated outline of that kind of 
treatment which very many children receive 
from their parents, and of the apologies which 
the latter make for them, through the various 
stages of childhood and youth. If all these 
things are not said and done precisely in the 
form here stated, though it is believed that even 
this will hardly fail of recognition, yet all these, 
and many more of a similar character are sub- 
stantially practised every day, and every 
where, in our country. I appeal to the 
whole community, for the faithfulness of the 
representation. But the difficulty, in regard to 
many, will not consist in their denial of the 
facts, but in their failing to understand the 



O F C H I L D R E N . 63 

harm of them, admitting them to be true. Now 
the harm, if I mistake not, lies here; — the pa- 
rent, in the first place, is too easy in regard to 
the faults of his children : he suffers his mind 
to be too much warped by his feelings and par- 
tialities ; hence, he either sees no faults, or 
apologizes for them if they are seen ; or his 
standard of proper behavior is too low ; or he 
has never formed the resolution to bring his 
children to entire obedience to his w^ill ; but 
suffers them to evade it, and to carry their own 
points at the expense of his authority. He has 
never taken ground which he had fully deter- 
mined to maintain ; and has vacillated between 
a few sober conceptions of paternal and filial 
duties on the one hand, and a mistaken feeling 
of tenderness, united with too much compla- 
cency in his children's erratic dispositions, and 
too strong a confidence in their power of self- 
recovery, on the other. In the end his hopes 
are disappointed. His children grow up with 
confirmed habits of self-indulgence ; with un- 
subdued propensities to evil ; with no maturity 
in virtue; but in prodigality, and vice, suffi- 
ciently ripe. Even should children, thus un- 
fortunately trained, become reformed in after 



64 ON THE EDUCATION 

life, through the mercy of Heaven, their cha- 
racters will be less perfect, and possess a more 
varied mixture of good and evil, than if they 
had been early modelled by regular discipline, 
and judicious management. The time after- 
wards spent in the mere eradication of evil 
habits, would have been sufficient to expand 
and multiply better ones with the happiest suc- 
cess, and with no admixture of the grief which 
is occasioned by the reflection on time and ad- 
vantages lost, on errors committed, and on 
talents abused. 

I have said that the opinion is extensively 
prevalent at the present day, that coercive 
measures in regard to children should be de- 
ferred, if used at all, until their minds shall be 
sufficiently matured to understand fully the 
nature and intendment of such discipline. If 
we carefully attend, however, to the theo- 
ries which are advanced on this subject, in all 
their bearings, we shall see that there is, in re- 
ality, no expectation that this sufficient ma- 
turity will ever arrive. The expectation clearly 
is, that a child may be so managed that a resort 
to coercion, properly so called, will never be 
necessary. The sort of treatment which is to 



OFCHILDREN. 65 

prevent this necessity, consists in kind and en- 
dearing expressions ; in soothing their fretful 
ebullitions into quietness ; in gratifying all their 
wants, so far as it can be done, and in bringing 
about a pacification as well as you can, where 
it cannot be done ; in placing every thing which 
is good and right in so pleasing an attitude be- 
fore them that they will, as a matter of course, 
fall in love with it ; and in causing whatever is 
evil to appear so disgusting that it will excite 
their abhorrence. As they grow older, appeals 
are to be made to their understandings ; their 
affections are to be won over to the side of vir- 
tue by presenting it before them in alluring as- 
pects ; their perceptions of moral excellence 
are to be made so clear and vivid that it can 
never be mistaken, and its worth so apparent 
as to charm them to its embrace. The air, the 
earth, and sea — the whole treasure-house of 
nature — are to be laid open to their inspection; 
and arguments and illustrations are to be thence 
derived, to show them how much better bene- 
volence is than malevolence ; how all the won- 
derful things which are there contained were 
designed as inducements to virtue, or as deter- 
ments fron vice. If this course of proceeding 



66 ON THE EDUCATION 

should fail of entire success, and a child should 
aftiil^ exhibit a refractory temper, and give way 
to vicious practices, he must be treated with gen- 
tle reproof; he must be told how much he grieves 
his parents ; how odious it is to do wrong ; and 
the examples of other boys and men, who 
have conducted themselves badly, and received 
the wages of their misdoings, must be presented 
before him as admonitory beacons. This ap- 
pears to be the ultimate extent of parental in- 
terference to suppress the waywardness of their 
children. Should this be ineffectual, no ulte- 
rior measures seem to be provided in the im- 
proved system of reform ; and the child is left 
to his own cure, in the full hope that it will be 
accomplished, at a future day, in some unknown, 
undefinable, and merciful manner. 

Were the course of treatment just alluded to 
but a part, only, of a system of moral education, 
it would receive no reprehension from me. 
There is nothing in it which is not proper 
enough in its place. On this point I am de- 
sirous that there should be no misunderstand- 
ing. I object to it as a whole ; as being essen- 
tially, all that is relied on, in the treatment of 
children, to secure their good behaviour, and to 



OFCHILDREN. 67 

fit them for an advantageous entrance on the 
stage of life. Nor do I assert that there may 
not be occasional instances of children who are 
possessed of such a happy temperament by 
nature, and such a docility of disposition, that 
this course may be sufficient for the attainment 
of the object in view. But I do insist that its 
adequacy is too much relied on, and that it is 
founded in a misconception of the prevailing 
characters of children, and of the fundamental 
principles on which law, government, order, 
and discipline depend. It presupposes a de- 
gree of docility and pliancy in children which, 
in general, they do not possess. It overlooks 
that natural acerbity of temper, that obstinacy 
of purpose, that stubbornness of will, that va- 
grancy of desire after forbidden things, that im- 
patience of control, and that tendency of the 
will to be swayed by selfish motives which 
children begin to manifest at an early age, and 
which, if not timely checked, will eventually 
break through the feeble barriers of restraint 
which parents, in a season of alarm, may after- 
ward venture to interpose. The system, or theory, 
in question, does not proceed on the ground 
that this impetuous current must be stopped — 



68 ON THE EDUCATION 

that obedience to parental authory must be ob- 
tained ; but is supported by the hope that such 
will be the result. But the true and only safe 
ground which the parent ought to take, is, that 
his own purposes, not those of his children, 
shall be carried into effect ; that his commands 
shall and must be obeyed ; that obedience to 
his requirements is indispensable. Let him be 
duly cautious, indeed, that all his purposes, 
commands, and requirements are proper ; but 
these once settled, the child should feel that 
compliance with them is unavoidable. This is 
the true secret, the essence of all government, 
whether it be the government of a family, or 
any other. Therefore, I repeat ; obedience to 
rightful commands must be deemed and felt, by 
those on whom they are laid, to be unavoidable, 
— as a matter of course. Command and obedi- 
ence stand to each other in the relation of cause 
and effect ; and this relation should be made 
clear, visible, and palpable. The moment it is in- 
vested with obsurity, and uncertainty, by any 
means whatever, the proper force of govern- 
ment is weakened ; and as soon as this relation 
is destroyed, the cause is as fully annihilated as 
the effect ; in other words, in proportion as 



OFCHILDREN. 69 

obedience to government is refused, the latter is 
enfeebled ; and if it be entirely witheld, it is 
annihilated. 

From the manner in which multitudes of pa- 
rents issue their orders to their children, it is 
evident to every spectator that nothing is fur- 
ther from their expectation than that they shall 
be obeyed. Irresoluteness, indecision, vague- 
ness, and a mistrust of their ability to enforce 
what they require, are betrayed at every step, 
and indicate too well the results which must 
follow. Nor is it less evident that the child- 
ren, on their part, have no expectation of ren- 
dering obedience. The difficulty is, that there 
is no penalty annexed to transgression ; none, 
at least, that is adequate ; none that deters 
from a violation of authority. It is either so 
small as to render it contemptible ; or so re- 
mote and uncertain, as to make it no object of 
dread. The children, in fact, are under no law 
whatever ; and, of course, are under no govern- 
ment ; because a law, or that which professes 
to be such, without penalties prescribed and 
enforced, is really no law ; it is simply a re- 
commendation, or an expression of advice, 
which he who receives it is at liberty to regard, 



70 ON THE EDUCATION 

or reject, as he chooses. On this point, it 
would seem that there could be no mistake ; 
yet public opinion, to a great extent, gives 
currency to this very species of lax requisi- 
tions, and sanctions a theory which, in no other 
case, would meet with support. 

It would seem to be one of the plainest dic- 
tates of common sense, that whatever a parent 
enjoins on his child as essential to his welfare, 
and proper for him to observe, the child should 
observe and do ; and that, if he refuses compli- 
ance, he should be made to comply. That a 
child should be permitted to pursue any course 
which is manifestly detrimental to him, pro- 
vided he can be brought to pursue it, i& repug- 
nant to every principle of benevolence, as well 
as of reason. It is the indispensable duty of 
the parent to insist on being obeyed, and, of the 
child, to obey. A relinquishment of this duty 
by either party, then, involves him in guilt 
which it is impossible to excuse, and difficult to 
palliate. 

Here the questions will be very naturally 
asked, if penalties are so important in the ad- 
ministration of family government, what are 
they ? and at what age shall the enforcement 



OFCHILDREN. 71 

of them begin? — To enumerate the various 
kinds of penalties to which it may be proper to 
resort, is no very easy matter, nor is it neces- 
sary for the illustration of my views. How- 
ever the kinds may differ, the object aimed at is 
one and the same. A faithful and judicious 
parent, after having once seen and admitted the 
propriety of resorting to them, will rarely fail 
of adopting such as are suited to the object in 
view. So different are the various tempera- 
ments of children, and so different are the cir- 
cumstances which never-ceasingly arise to give 
new modifications to conduct, and to diversify 
the character of offences, particular rules for the 
treatment of these future and unknown contin- 
gencies, will serve to embarrass rather than in- 
struct, and to mislead rather than direct a pa- 
rent in his course of duty. Let those leading, 
but simple principles to which I have just ad- 
verted, be fixed in the mind, and there is little 
danger of any serious mistake in the selection 
of penalties, and applying them to use. The 
wisdom and benevolence of God are very con- 
spicuous in the fact, that he has not made great 
talents, nor high intellectual attainments, nor 
an extensive acquaintance with men and with 



72 ON THE EDUCATION 

books, with rules and with systems, necessary 
to constitute a man a good manager of his 
children, and a successful disposer of those 
counsels, and of those measures of discipline, 
which effectually secure their quiet obedience 
to his authority, and their advancement in vir* 
tue and usefulness. In places of retirement, in 
families whose unlettered heads are least ac- 
quainted with those rules and motives which 
control the actions of other men, are often found 
exemplary instances of domestic order, and 
filial obedience. From such families, and from 
such early training, often arise both men and 
women, who become future ornaments to soci- 
ety ; while from the families of the learned, the 
polished, and the wealthy, enjoying all the 
means of knowledge, and affording rare advan- 
tages for becoming eminent, often spring up 
persons with blighted characters, occasioned by 
the defects of early discipline. A parent who 
has clearly resolved in his mind that the path 
of virtue is the only path of safety for his child ; 
that there is, in reality, no filial virtue where 
there is no obedience to parental authority ; 
and that this obedience must, therefore, be 
secured ; will seldom fail to discover ways and 



OFCHILDREN. Ti 

means of enforcing it when it is withheld, or im- 
perfectly rendered. True decision and firm- 
ness of character, on the part of the parent, is 
worth volumes of rules and systems on this 
subject. Without the former, the latter are use- 
less ; with them, rules and penalties will come 
unsought, and come in season, and be suited to 
every emergency. Coercion, of the proper 
kind, and in the appropriate measure, will be 
suggested, and the whole business of discipline 
be conducted conformably to nature and to 
common sense. When I hear a parent curiously 
inquiring what sort of penalties and expedients 
others resort to when their children are refrac- 
tory, I confess that a suspicion naturally arises, 
that he has not yet settled the previous ques- 
tion in his own mind, that any are needed at 
all ; or, at best, that he vacillates between a 
vague apprehension of duty, on the one hand, 
and a disposition to evade the performance of 
it, on the other. 

There is, however, one species of discipline 
on which I will hazard a few remarks, lest it 
should be thought that I am willing to avoid 
the consideration of it, or should seem to coun- 
tenance an opinion which I do not entertain, I 
7+ 



74 ON THE EDUCATION 

refer to the use of the rod. This, to a consider- 
able extent, is among the proscribed penalties, 
at the present day. Not a few totally discard 
it, and pronounce it cruel, servile, and degrad- 
ing. To whip a child is, in the view of many, 
synonymous with abusing him. Appeals are 
made to our sympathies, on this point ; and the 
child, on whom such a penalty has been inflict- 
ed, is treated as an object of commiseration, and 
the parent who imposes it is considered vindic- 
tive and hard-hearted. But let us pause a moment 
ere we proceed too far in our vituperations and 
our compassion, lest, after all, we be found to have 
taken a position which, in the end, it will be ha- 
zardous to maintain. In the first place, let facts 
speak. Now it is a fact, that no parents are 
more kind, more tender-hearted, more ready to 
sympathize with their children in all their joys 
and sufferings, than multitudes of those who im- 
pose upon them this interdicted penalty. It is 
a fact that no children exhibit less evidence of 
degradation and servility, are more afl^ectionate 
towards their parents, more prompt to render 
them obedience, to anticipate their wants, to 
comply with their wishes, and administer to 
their comfort, than multitudes of those who 



OFCHILDREN. 75 

have received this unsalutary correction. It is 
a fact that parents who denounce the penalty in 
question give no evidence, to others, that they 
are more kind, more tender-hearted, more ready 
to sympathize with their children in all their 
joys and sufferings, than are their neighbors 
whose theory and practice are so different. It 
is a- fact that the children who are exempted 
from the rod, are in no wise better governed ; 
more ready to anticipate the wants of their 
parents, to comply with their wishes, and to ad- 
minister to their comfort, than are those Avho have 
been subject to a contrary treatment. Institute 
comparisons between different families, and 
then impartially say, whether those children 
who have experienced no correction appear to 
better advantage, in any one respect, than those 
who have. Nay more, let an appeal be made 
to truth and fairness, for the decision of another 
question — do not the latter, those who have re- 
ceived timely and proper correction, appear, as 
a general truth, to much better advantage than 
the former? Let the decision be impartially 
pronounced, and I fear not the result. But al- 
lowing, for the sake of an argument, that both 
parties stand on equal ground, the theory in 



76 ON THE EDUCATION 

question is upset. The theory is, that children, 
without correction, behave letter than those who 
receive it ; the admission now is, that they only 
behave just as well; — of course nothing is 
gained in point of good conduct. Should it be 
replied that there is a saving of pain to the 
child, my answer is, be it so ; but this is not the 
main part of the controversy ; the leading point 
in the theory is, that children are made worse 
by the correction of the rod ; a point which 
facts do not substantiate. — There is no occa- 
sion, however, for the concession now made. 
I will risk the question in the appeal already 
taken, and court inquiry into the actual condi- 
tion of things. The question cannot be settled 
by theoretical suppositions, by imaginary cases, 
nor by presumptive deductions. Nor can it be 
settled by the citation of a few extraordinary 
instances of random abuse, and of ill judged 
severity in times that have gone by, or which, 
by careful inquiry, may be here and there dis- 
covered in more recent days. It is too trite a 
remark that the abuse of a good thing does not 
determine its real character, to need a repeti- 
tion of the proofs on which it is grounded. We 
must rely on the general tenor of facts to aid us 



OFCHILDREN. 77 

in forming a right conclusion ; on the right use 
of the measures which are to be tested, and not 
on their misapplication. — As it is so often as- 
serted that correction will sour the temper of a 
child, and cause him to dislike his parents who 
administer it, even to the utter alienation of his 
affections. I must be allowed to make one 
more appeal from these theorists, and it shall 
be to parents themselves who have judiciously 
applied the remedy, and to adillt children who 
have been its subjects. Of the former I ask, have 
you not uniformly found your children, after re- 
ceiving correction at your hands, more docile, 
gentle, peaceable, affectionate to yourselves and 
to each other, — more ready to gratify you in 
all your wishes, more kind-hearted, frank, and 
sincere ? Have you ever found so effectual a 
method to cure them of sullenness and morose- 
ness ; and when they have been ill-natured, and 
have habitually shunned your presence, have 
you ever found a better way to bring them back, 
and make them cheerful, fond, and happy there ? 
Of the latter I would inquire, can you not, as 
you call to mind the various instances of paren- 
tal correction which you have received, testify 
to its salutary influence on yourselves*, in the 



78 ON THE EDUCATION 

various particulars just mentioned? If these 
questions are answered in the negative, I yield 
to the opponents of chastisement the whole 
matter in debate ; — if they are answered in the 
affirmative, will they have the candor to do the 
same ? — I have one m.oxe fact to adduce, which 
may seem rather paradoxical to those who are 
not familiar with the general subject. — It is no 
uncommon occurrence that persons who are 
most opposed to using the rod, in theory, use it 
most, in practice. If this fact be admitted, it 
is not incumbent on me to account for the in- 
consistency. It can, however, be accounted 
for, I believe, without much difficulty. The 
persons who adopt the theory in dispute, do so 
under the guidance of their feelings, rather than 
of their judgment deliberately formed. Now he 
who allows his feelings to control him in specu- 
lation, is very liable to do the same in matters 
of practice. The passions and feelings are 
never the offspring of system, but act as pro- 
vocations excite them. Hence these persons, 
when provocations come, lose sight of their 
theory; — and the bodies of their children ex- 
perience the consequence in no ambiguous 
measure. Let me not be understood as here 



OFCHILDREN. 79 

charging all, who discard the discipline of the 
rod, with this inconsistency ; many of them 
practise as they teach, whatever may be the 
correctness of their doctrine ; with regard to 
the rest, they must vindicate the discrepancy 
between their precepts and conduct, as well as 
they can. 

We are commanded, indeed, to be merciful^ 
even as our Father in heaven is merciful ; but 
it will hardly be pretended that we either should, 
or can be, more merciful than He. Shall mor- 
tal man be more compassionate than his Maker, 
can with as much propriety be asked, as " shall 
he be more just ?" Again it is written, " let not 
the wise man glory in his wisdom." If, how- 
ever, he chooses to glory, will his wisdom be 
superior to that of the Omniscient ? Let us be 
cautious how we entertain opinions which con- 
travene those which God has given, and how 
we condemn what he has both authorized and 
enjoined. Solomon says, " he that spareth his 
rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him chas- 
teneth him betimes." The wise man, it seems 
then, did not consider the use of the rod as fur- 
nishing evidence that a parent is wanting in 
affection, but drew from it a very different con- 



80 ON THE EDUCATION 

elusion. Fie says again, "foolishness is bound 
in the heart of a child ; but the rod of correc- 
tion shall drive it far from him. — Withhold not 
correction from the child ; for if thou beatest 
him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt 
beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from 
death." So Solomon, it appears, was not so 
much afraid of killing a child by correction, as 
are some others. But further ; " the rod and 
reproof give wisdom ; but a child left to him- 
self bringeth his mother to shame." Yet there 
are those who say, that the rod and reproof 
cause stupidity ; and that a child left to himself 
will bring his mother to honor. Again Solomon 
says, " correct thy son, and he will give thee 
rest ; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul." 
— "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and 
let not thy soul spare for his crying."* — In 
many other passages in the Holy Scriptures, 
the use of the rod is recognised as both com- 
mon and proper, and is adduced in illustration 
of the Divine government over the children 
of men. I shall produce only the following. 
Moses says, " thou shalt also consider in thy 

Prov. xiii. 24.— xxii. 15.— xxiii. 13.— xxix. 15, 17.— xix. 18. 



OFCHILDREN. 81 

heart, that as a man chasteneth his son, so the 
Lord thy God chasteneth thee."* If such chas- 
tening of a son, on the part of an earthly parent, 
were not in itself proper, and worthy of commen- 
dation, surely it would not have been cited to 
illustrate the resemblance which the Divine 
treatment of men bears to that of the former in 
relation to his children. Paul is very full on 
this point. " My son, despise not thou the chas- 
tening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art 
rebuked of him; for whom the Lord loveth 
he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom 
he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God 
dealeth with you as with sons ; for what son 
is he whom the father chasteneth not ? But if 
ye be without chastisement, whereof all are 
partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. 
Furthermore, Ave have had fathers of our flesh 
which corrected us, and we did them reverence : 
sha^l we not much rather be in subjection to the 
Father of spirits, and live ?"t Here this apostle 
considers it a token of the Lord's love to his 
sons, that he chastens them; and leaves us, evi- 
dently, to infer this in the same way as we should 

♦ Deut. viii. 5. t Heb. xii. 5—9. 

8 



82 ON THE EDUCATION 

infer that a man loves his child, from the fact of 
his correcting him. He even appears not to con- 
sider it a supposable case, that a child could be 
found who received no chastisement ; for he 
asks, ''what son is he whom the father chasteneth 
not f" Nor does he stop here ; to be without 
chastisement he treats as an evidence of being 
without parents ; • that is, of legitimate ones, 
who would either acknowledge the relationship, 
or discharge its duties. He thinks, too, that a 
child who is corrected will reverence his father; 
and seems not, with many, to suppose that such 
correction will cause the child to dread his 
presence, or treat him with dislike. On the 
contrary, from the well known fact that the cor- 
rection which we received from our earthly 
parents caused us to reverence them, the apostle 
derives an argument that a similar treatment of 
ourselves from the Father of spirits ought to 
inspire us with submissive feelings to Him in a 
still higher degree. Nothing can be more ab- 
surd than to suppose that inspired men should 
thus appeal to what is wrong, and worthy of 
denunciation, to exemplify the fitness and pro- 
priety of the Divine government, and to induce 



OFCHILDREN. 83 

US to acquiesce in it as it becomes dutiful 
children. 

On the question, then, of corporal punish- 
ment I durst not dissent from a practice which 
so many wise and good men have found to be 
salutary : which is authorized, sanctioned, and 
enjoined by Him who made us ; and which is 
opposed only by arguments which are better 
calculated to seduce our feelings and beguile 
our imaginations, than to lead us to a right 
understanding and faithful discharge of our duty. 
The practice, I admit, is liable to abuse ; and 
so is every other in which man has an agency. 
Its impropriety, therefore, must fail of being 
established, until it can be shown that this 
abuse is inseparable from the thing itself; that 
the experience of the wise and good in all ages 
of the world has been an idle dream ; and that 
Infinite Wisdom has committed a mistake. 

The other question, at what age shall the 
enforcement of penalties begin? — or in differ- 
ent words, at what age shall the coercion of 
children commence ? must be dismissed with a 
summary answer, inasmuch as the particular 
consideration of it does not fall within the gene- 
ral plan of this work. It is, however, quite too 



84 ON THE EDUCATION 

common a defect in education, that the coercion 
of children is too long deferred to be as effect- 
ual as it might be. Experience teaches us that 
almost every child will have at least one strug- 
gle, one which will be distinguished above 
every other, for mastery over his parent's au- 
thority. It is a contest for victory ; a full de- 
termination to consummate his own will ; not 
for once merely, but for deciding the question 
of future supremacy. The party which tri- 
umphs in this struggle usually remains master, 
and the vanquished yields the ground to the 
victor. It is not always the case, indeed, that 
a single trial brings the matter to a final issue ; 
though such is the general fact, if the parties 
have fully tried their strength, and the victory 
is not doubtful. It is scarcely necessary to say 
here, that in making these remarks, I have re- 
ference only to those cases where the parents 
themselves choose to have the question of su- 
premacy settled, and to have it settled in their 
own favor. There are those who, if we judge 
from appearances, never wish to have the ques- 
tion decided in form, and who keep up an une- 
qual contest until repeated discomfitures bring 
them to submission, or rouse them to despe- 



OFCHILDREN. 85 

rate, but unavailing remedies. There are 
those, too, who, from the very first, surrender 
themselves servants to their children's caprices, 
and quietly yield to all their requirements 
without an attempt to control their desires, or 
a suspicion that they need to be controlled. — 
Now if a parent really intends to assert his 
own authority, the sooner he brings his child 
to submit to it, the more easily the work is 
accomplished. The natural obstinacy of his 
child continually increases witk his age, as 
well as by indulgence , and the longer, there- 
fore, the overcoming of it is postponed, the 
more difficult it becomes. The younger the 
child, the more flexible are his passions and 
appetites ; and the more easily is he made sen- 
sible of his own weakness, and of his parent's 
strength. Unless the child is made to feel that 
he is in his parent's power, and that resistance 
to his will is impracticable, he will never cease 
from efforts to prove his own ability to throw 
off" restraint, and the feasibility of bringing the 
latter to comply with his desires. When the 
child is quite young, therefore, let the parent 
overcome his obstinacy, and teach him compli- 
ance with his own will. Let him be taught the 
8* 



86 ON THE EDUCATION 

necessity of submission. As soon as this les- 
son is learned, his acquiescence in his parent's 
commands will be prompt and cheerful. The 
law of necessity is recognised and quietly- 
obeyed by all percipient beings, whether ra- 
tional or irrational. No law is so easily made 
intelligible ; and none is so early learned by 
children. A child never contends for that 
which he does not conceive it possible to ob- 
tain ; nor does he resist that against which he 
considers resistance of no avail. As soon, then, 
as he is capable of understanding and feeling 
this general law of percipient beings, let it be 
sooner or later, he is old enough to be subjected 
to its influence, and maybe profited by its pro- 
per application. I do not say when it is that 
this capacity is first developed ; the time will 
vary, undoubtedly, in different individuals ; but 
it is the duty of the parent to be attentive to 
the indications of its arrival, and to seize this 
opportunity of establishing his influence. When- 
ever a parent begins to proclaim to his friends 
the precocity of his child, displays with fond 
delight his witty pranks, and dwells on the 
numerous tokens of his genius, he ought to be 
aware that the same arguments which will prove 



OFCHILDREN. 87 

his child to possess tliese rare endowments, will 
also prove that he has understanding and capa- 
city to obey. A mind which is sufficiently ma- 
tured to be witty, shrewd and sagacious, is mature 
enough to exercise those simpler acts of obedi- 
ence which a judicious parent will first enjoin, 
and to understand whether obedience must 
necessarily follow the injunction, or may be 
safely neglected. Let him who is inclined to 
postpone the government of his child until he 
is old enough to comprehend the propriety of 
submission, and is disposed to make that period 
a late one, be equally willing to defer the eulogy 
of his intellectual brightness to a season not 
less remote. To do this, it is believed, would 
be safe, as it certainly would be prudent. 

Whatever may be the earliest time of com- 
mencing the work of governing a child, the great 
defect with very many parents is, they delay it 
much too long. When the passions of a child 
have become strong and mature, and his temper 
has been strengthened and made obstinate by 
habitual indulgence, it is no easy matter for a 
parent to summon resolution sufficient to master 
them, should he even see the necessity of mak- 
ing the attempt. In most cases of protracted 



88 ON THE EDUCATION 

delay the struggle must be severe, or the victory 
incomplete ; and who that has ever known the 
feelings of a parent's heart is ignorant of the 
test to which these feelings are put, when the 
alternative is fully presented, of the ruin of the 
child or the infliction on him of pain and dis- 
tress which shall suffice, if he is peculiarly ob- 
stinate, to mollify his temper and produce his 
reformation ? In the more moderate struggles 
which he is called upon to encounter, the parent 
has need of well fixed principles of duty, and 
of much firmness of purpose, to enable him to 
persevere without a betraying of his trust; how 
much more, then, will they be needed in circum- 
stances of superior difficulty and temptation? 
How, then, shall it be questioned that wisdom 
and feeling both demand that discipline should 
be commenced, and the reluctance of the child 
to yield himself to his parent's guidance should 
be overcome, at an age when his temper is most 
pliable, and the task of moulding it is compar- 
atively easy? — before the mind itself has be- 
come armed with expedients, and has lent the 
aid of all its powers to swell the current of the 
passions, and direct their force against the 
barriers which resist them ? 



OFCHILDREN. 89 

Some pious parents seem to entertain the 
idea that inasmuch as peculiar promises are 
made to them, as Christians, in behalf of their 
children, they have little else to do than trust to 
promises, without any special effort on their 
part to learn or to fulfil the conditions on which 
they are made. They commend, as they ought, 
their children in prayer to God, and appear to 
overlook the duties which he has devolved upon 
themselves, as growing out of the parental rela- 
tion, and without the performance of which his 
aid would be little less than miraculous. They 
may teach them many important religious truths ; 
inculcate on their minds the necessity of virtue 
and piety ; exhort them to the practice of all 
that is lovely and of good report; and set before 
them in their own persons, an example of holy 
living, and yet fall short of the demands of duty 
and a reception of the promises. All these 
things may have been done without any author- 
itative efficiency ; by way of counsel, advice, 
and recommendation, but without insisting 
on the performance of a single item, and with 
none of that urgency of manner which charac- 
terizes a demand which cannot, must not, be 
denied. 



90 ON THE EDUCATION 

We have, in well authenticated history, the 
example of a pious man whose counsels and 
advice to his children were, in all probability, 
as salutary and as urgent as those to which I 
have just alluded. Yet his sons were impiously 
abandoned characters, and drew upon them- 
selves the signal displeasure of Heaven. For 
aught that appears, the pious Eli prayed as fer- 
vently for his sons, and as much desired their 
best welfare, as any other parent. We have the 
highest evidence of his devotion to the honor of 
God, and the cause of religion. After all, he had 
one grand defect; and that defect brought ruin 
to his family, and hastened his own departure 
from the world. It is said of him, " that his sons 
made themselves vile, and he restrained them 
not." It was an aggravation o€ his fault, as it 
further appears, that he knew their "iniquity," 
while he failed to correct it. The difficulty with 
this good man was, he did not exercise such a 
control over his sons as was sufficient to keep 
their evil propensities in check. They had their 
own way, and maintained it in spite of the know- 
ledge and authority of their father. Now had it 
not been possible for him to control his sons, he 
would not have received so severe a rebuke 



OFCHILDREN. 91 

from Him who exacts nothing from men which 
they cannot perform, nor punishes them for an 
omission of duties which they cannot fulfil. 
Yet we have reason to believe that at this 
period of their lives, spoken of in their history, 
this parent had, indeed, no power to control his 
sons ; for what authority, at their age, was any 
father ever able to exert over sons who had 
successfully set it at nought through the season 
of childhood and youth ? His error, then, com- 
menced further back; it must be dated from the 
first opportunity which he carelessly lost of 
controlling their base propensities ; and Avas 
continued and aggravated, so long as such 
opportunities were oflered and neglected. On 
the admonitory character of such an example, 
I forbear to comment. It speaks a plainer 
and more powerful language than any at my 
command, and most forcibly illustrates the im- 
portance of an early coercion of children to 
obedience and duty. 

This branch of my subject will be dismissed 
with the citation of a brighter example from the 
same authentic source as the former. When 
the Most Wise had selected a man to be the 
" Father of the faithful," and " in whom all the 



92 ON THE EDUCATION 

families of the earth were to be blessed," as if 
to attest the propriety of his choice, he gave 
him this remarkable commendation : — "I know 
him, that he will command his children and his 
household after him, and they shall keep the 
way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment." — 
The Lord knew that Abraham would not only 
counsel and advise his children to do right,^ 
and pray to Him to keep and guide them, but 
would do all in his own power to accomplish 
the same object. He would have commands to 
be given and enforced, as well as advice and 
moral suasion to be administered. These com- 
mands would not be the mere expressions 
of his own opinion of right and wrong, 
but would be enforced with a patriarch's 
authority. Abraham's sense of duty was not 
confined to the entertainment of sundry good 
wishes, and the mere perception of the value of 
moral excellence ; he went further, and made it 
his aim to secure the actual possession of what 
appeared so well in theory, and which his 
heart and his judgment approved. There was 
something which gave efficiency to his com- 
mands, as the general conduct of his house- 
hold sufficiently evinces, and the filial obedience 



OFCHILDREN. 93 

and piety of Isaac, in particular, clearly attest. 
So long as the relation between parent and 
child shall exist, the example of the latter will 
be a standing proof that parental faithfulness, 
as exhibited in the enforcement of salutary 
commands, does not weaken the force of filial 
attachment, nor divert it from its natural chan- 
nel. The commendation bestowed on Abra- 
ham for his fidelity in the relation which he 
sustained, will be an equally enduring proof of 
the estimation in which such a parental cha- 
racter is held by One who cannot err ; — whose 
praise is given without flattery, and whose 
censure is founded in truth. 



CHAPTER IV. 

Style of intercourse between parents and children.— General 
remarks. — Examples. 

The kind of intercourse which is maintained 
between parents and children forms no incon- 
siderable item in the process of education, and 
has its attendant errors. That a parent at 
all proper times, and on all fit occasions, should 
be accessible to his children; that he should 
be ready to attend to all their minuter wants ; 
and should make them feel easy and happy in 
his presence, none will deny. He who can do 
this without compromitting his dignity, and 
without losing that respect and deference 
which children should always bear to their 
parents, should count himself fortunate in the 
possession of an attribute which is oftener com- 
mended, than attained. From her relation to 
her children, and her station in the family, 
together with the natural structure of her mind 
and feelings, the mother possesses a tact and 



EDUCATION OF CHILDREN. 95 

a grace in these things, which a father cannot 
have ; and, it should be added, which it is not 
best that he should have, to the same extent, 
and with the same modifications. There ought 
to be a greater distance between the father and 
his children, than between the mother and them. 
The orderly management of the family requires 
it ; and a just gradation and distribution of 
powers, the natural fitness of things, and the 
due counterpoise of the different parts in the 
domestic system, require such an arrangement. 
After all, in this family intercourse the father 
may be too distant and reserved, and the 
mother may be too familiar; and while the 
father also may be too familiar, the mother, it 
is believed, will err, if she errs at all, on the 
score of excessive familiarity alone. She hardly 
can, if she would, be too distant and reserved; 
while every thing around conspires to tempt 
her to the other extreme. An over-rigid, 
austere, cold, and distant mother may, possibly, 
be here and there found by ransacking the 
history of the sex , but the exceptions would be 
too rare, and the anomaly too great, to invali- 
date the truth of the general remark. 

It is now generally agreed that our forefa- 



96 ON THE EDUCATION 

thers, to a considerable extent, carried their 
views of austerity and reserve towards their 
children too far. No parent, at this day, would 
probably imitate their example in full. But in 
rejecting what was wrong, have we been suffi- 
ciently careful to avoid an opposite extreme ? 
To me it seems that we have not. The pre- 
dominant error now is, unless I greatly mis- 
take, that parents indulge in too great familiari- 
ties with their children, to the risk of maintain- 
ing their ascendancy over them, and at the 
hazard of that dignity which is necessary to 
command respect. Government cannot be sup- 
ported if the source from which it emanates is 
debased, and incapable of inspiring awe ; and it 
is enfeebled in proportion to this debasement, 
and its failure to preserve reverence. But pa- 
rents must lose the power of inspiring their 
children with much awe or respect for them- 
selves, when the latter are admitted to such 
terms of intimate familiarity as we sometimes 
witness. The indecorous manner with which 
some children are suffered to treat their parents 
when in their presence ; their entire freedom 
from restraint ; their rude, pert, and unceremoni- 
ous questions and answers, and their romping 



OFCHILDREN. 97 

behaviour, sufficiently bespeak the kind of awe 
which they have been accustomed to feel. In 
vain does one listen to the indication of some 
small remains of an expiring sense of propriety, 
on the part of the parent, in the trite and awkward 
form of an apology : " It seems as if my children 
had undertaken to see how bad they could act 
when you are present ; I know not what has 
induced them to be so rude and noisy all at 
once; — (Children, do you not know it is impo- 
lite to behave in such a manner when ladies and 
gentlemen are present?) — I am afraid you will 
think that they always conduct in this way." 
The countenances of the children and their un- 
intimidation sufficiently show that they are well 
acquainted with such remarks, and that they 
are quite at ease as to any future molestation, 
when " the ladies and gentlemen" shall have 
gone. 

There are two short words which, under 
proper management, have a wonderful effect in 
teaching children deference to their superiors. 
These are, Sir and Ma^am. The omission of 
them in the addresses of children to their pa- 
rents, betokens a degree of familiarity which 
fashion may approve, but which it cannot justify. 



98 ON THE EDUCATION 

It betokens a familiarity which is devoid of re- 
spect, and is an approach to such an equality 
as is inconsistent with parental influence, and 
filial subordination. In a family of Friends, or 
Quakers, whom I mention with unfeigned re- 
spect, children may omit these words of defer- 
ence without any impairing of their reverence 
for their parents, because the custom of those 
with whom they associate sanctions their dis-' 
use, and other usages and manners supply their 
place. But in families of which I speak, no re- 
ligious scruples forbid the employment of such 
words of address ; on the contrary, they are re- 
cognised as proper by the parents themselves, 
and treated by them as essential to good breed- 
ing and respectful politeness towards those 
whom they design to honor. Of all this the 
children are well apprised ; and the necessary 
effect of not being required to adopt these usual 
forms of civility towards their parents is to 
lower their estimation of the latter, and to do 
away that sense of deference which, by a sort 
of conventional agreement, these terms of ad- 
dress were intended to convey. Nor does the 
effect stop here. These privileged children 
extend their pert disrespect to all their superiors, 



OFCHILDREN. 99 

if superiors they can be brought to acknowledge, 
and deal out their impartial rudeness wher- 
ever this species of justice can be conveniently 
exhibited. But it is not the simple use of yes 
and no which alone stamps the intercourse in 
question with a bad appearance ; the air of 
effrontery with which these monosyllables are 
uttered is a legitimate consequence of the habit 
itself In most cases, perhaps, this effrontery 
is the source, as well as the consequence, of the 
habit ; and both stand in the relation of cause 
and effect to each other. — Let it not be said 
that all this is descending to the notice of trifles. 
Nothing is trifling which affects the characters 
and conduct of our children ; and who will 
deny that a deferential regard to parents and 
seniors, is one of the most amiable traits in the 
character and conduct of children and youth ? 

The habits and, of course, the characters of 
children are, or ought to be, formed at home. 
I speak now of that period of their lives, when 
they reside under the parental roof If the 
daily intercourse of their parents with them is 
such as to encourage them in pertness, rudeness, 
and insolence at home, what should hinder 
them from being pert, rude, and insolent every 



100 ON THE EDUCATION 

where? If there be no fear of their parents 
before their eyes, what ground is there for sup- 
posing that they will stand in awe of other 
superiors ? If they are allowed to take great 
liberties under the eyes of their parents, will 
they not, in all probability, take greater when 
other eyes are upon them? — Often have I seen 
children rude and impertinent at home, when it 
was obvious that their behaviour was unnoticed 
by their parents ; and unnoticed, because it was 
so common and habitual as to cease to attract 
their attention. The rudeness, probably, began 
at that early age which many suppose to allow 
of no restraint ; and so was continued onward 
till, from familiarity with it, the parents regard- 
ed it with indifference. In other cases, the 
children when quite small have been allowed, 
and even encouraged, to be pert and saucy : to 
say and do things which would have been pro- 
hibited in older ones, from a mistaken idea that 
this behaviour was in them smart and amusing, 
or indicative of manly feeling. The parents, if 
questioned as to the propriety of indulging their 
children in this manner, would at once reply 
that they expected to check them when they 
grew older should it then be necessary ; but, in 



OFCHILDREN. 101 

general, the expectation would be intimated, 
that the children would learn propriety as age 
should give them experience, and teach them 
the importance of correcting their errors. They 
seem to forget that modesty and diffidence are 
not the result of increasing intercourse with the 
world, nor of that self-confidence which is in- 
spired by the continual encouragement of the 
opposite qualities. The child must be expected 
to walk in the way to which he has been train- 
ed, unless we choose to overlook every dictate 
of experience, and forget the lessons of Divine 
inspiration. — But why should a rude and im- 
pertinent behaviour be encouraged at any period 
of childhood and youth? Is not modesty a 
virtue ; and, connected with that kind of diffi- 
dence which ever attends it, one of the greatest 
safeguards from vice ? Who ever looked on an 
impudent child, without a suspicion unfavorable 
to his character in other respects? — and with- 
out a suspicion, too, that the parents had been 
faulty in the discharge of their duty to him ? 
Yet nothing seems to be so much dreaded by 
some parents, as that their children will be too 
bashful. To avoid this object of alarm, they 
will almost compel them to be impudent, with- 



102 ON THE EDUCATION 

out ever seeming to think that, in avoiding one 
evil, they were encountering others still worse. 
They should remember that bashfulness, though 
a fault, is not a vice, nor a temptation to it ; but 
that undue pertness, rudeness, sauciness, and 
impudence have a close affinity with the one, 
and are a direct source of the other. 

I shall now touch upon a subject which I 
would gladly omit, could the omission be recon- 
ciled with the entire fidelity with which I have 
undertaken to discharge a serious duty. At 
the hazard, however, of some misapprehension, 
and of being charged with the want of tender 
emotion and affectionate feeling, I shall venture 
to express my thoughts, whatever may be the 
reception with which they meet. The topic al- 
luded to, is the overweening fondness with 
which children are often treated in the domes- 
tic circle. The child is habitually plied with 
such a variety of caresses, that he comes, at 
length, to consider himself a privileged being. 
Accustomed to hear no language but that of ap- 
probation, or addressed with no words but those 
of fondness, he views himself as entitled to hear 
no other, and is both surprised and offended by 
any thing like serious reproof. He has heard 



OFCHILDREN. 103 

the language, •• my love, my dear, my darling ; 
you sweet creature, my dove, my cherub," &c. 
&c. so often reiterated from the lips of parents, 
and uncles, and aunts, and cousins, and friends, 
and dear kind neighbors, that he really ima- 
gines himself to be somewhat superhuman, 
though his capricious actions will ever and 
anon betray a grosser origin. How common 
such expressions are, how fashionable, and how 
genteel, I need not say. I will rather ask, if 
parents who do not use them at all, or but spa- 
ringly, would not be considered quite wanting 
in refinement and polite sensibility? To ad- 
dress a child without the addition of some en- 
dearing appellation, is evidently considered by 
many as coarse and vulgar. To use some 
fondling expression whenever he is accosted, is 
considered a mark of good breeding. Were all 
these endearments confined to children in the 
nursery, the mischief done would be compara- 
tively small and tolerable ; but to hear a great, 
overgrown boy, far advanced in his teens, never 
addressed without "my dear," to soften and 
qualify it, is really distressing; — I mean, it 
would be so if it were not fashionable. 

With the natural propensity which all human 



104 ONTHEEDUCATION 

beings possess of thinking too well of them- 
selves, it should not seem strange, if we will 
persist in giving our children names of flattery, 
that they imagine themselves to be in reality 
what we so often call them. Accustomed to 
such treatment, they consider themselves abused 
whenever they are reminded of a fault. Nor is 
the transition very easy, on the part of the pa- 
rents, from flattery to reproof. There is an in- 
consistency in it which is felt by both parents 
and children, and which the latter will always en- 
deavor to turn to what they deem their own ad- 
vantage. It is difficult to convince a child who 
has always been flattered and caressed without 
occasion, that his parents are in earnest when 
they change their tone to that of rebuke. The 
conviction is more diflficult still, when such ca- 
ressing accompanies the rebuke itself "My 
dear," " my love," — " why are you so naughty," 
give feeble promise, at the commencement of 
reproof, that the "naughtiness" will be removed 
by very decisive measures. But when I hear 
a reproof addressed to a lubberly boy, twelve 
or fourteen years of age, and prefaced with 
" my dear," I have no expectation that the dear 
fellow will be alarmed into contrition. The 



OFCHILDREN. 105 

child is conscious that reproof, in order to be 
effectual, must be made of "sterner stuff," and 
he shapes his course accordingly. His way- 
ward passions disdain to be bound by such 
silken cordage ; while his understanding has 
been too much practised in these matters, to ap- 
prehend evil from continuing in conduct which 
meets with such endearing reprehension. 

In justification of that kind of address which 
has just been considered, it will be said by some 
that parents ought to be affectionate in the treat- 
ment of their children, and to show them, in all 
their intercourse, how much they love them. 
Hence, they say, " our language should always 
be affectionate and tender, that our children 
may see how strong a hold they have on the 
feelings of our hearts." Ah ! there is the dif- 
ficulty. They do see how strong a hold they 
have there, and they practise accordingly. They 
clearly see that, do what they will, they have 
nothing to expect but soft words, and gen- 
tle advisement. They discover, indeed, the 
strength of your attachment, but they perceive, 
besides, the weakness of your authority. — But 
is there no way in which a parent can disclose 
his love to his children, except by the never 
10 



106 ON THE EDUCATION 

ceasing use of endearing epithets ? What has 
become of the old proverb, " that actions speak 
louder than words ?" The fear that our child- 
ren will not love us, nor think that we love them, 
unless we continually remind theAi of the lat- 
ter, and allure them to do the former by the 
continual use of these epithets, is altogether 
idle. The Author of our being has placed our 
natural affections on a firmer basis, and has 
provided stronger motives of action than the 
parents, whose practice here comes in question, 
seem to suppose. Let us faithfully discharge 
our duty to them in all its bearings and propor- 
tions, exercising our authority over them, and 
securing their obedience, whenever these things 
need to be done. Let us evince our love to 
them by our careful regard to their best inter- 
ests, and setting before them an example which 
will meet with their respect, and which they 
may safely copy. In this way we shall secure 
their love without coaxing, and their esteem 
without weakness. We should always bear in 
mind that endearments, as well as threats, lose 
their power by constant reiteration ; and that 
children early become excellent judges of the 
value of appearances. They early learn that 



OrCHILDREN. 107 

true affection is not seated on the lips, and that 
the genuine feelings of the heart are not indebt- 
ed for their utterance to the monotonous use of 
a few doting epithets. Such an affection is ut- 
tered in a thousand varied forms of conduct, in 
comparison with which all such epithets appear 
btit insipid mockeries ; and he who resorts to 
any expedients for securing the love of his child- 
ren beyond what nature and reason dictate, be- 
trays a want of confidence in these superior 
guides, and a misapprehension of the effects 
which affectation produces. Sincerity has so 
little need of profession, that an abundance of 
the latter usually casts suspicion on the former. 
An excessive solicitude to convince our children 
that we love them, may only lower us in their 
esteem. Such a consequence is perfectly na- 
tural and ought to be expected, although it 
seems to be greatly overlooked, or strangely 
disregarded. 

There is another style of intercourse which 
merits a brief notice in this connection. Often- 
times, not only does the parent speak of him- 
self in the third person, but addresses his child 
in the same, both in familiar speech, and when 
he ventures so far as to convey to him some- 



108 EDUCATION OF CHILDREN. 

thing like reproof. — "Papa," or "mamma, 
wants George should do thus and so :" — "George 
should always do as mamma bids him:" — 
"George will never do so again, will he?" — 
These are short specimens of the kind of inter- 
course to which I allude. Now does the parent 
suppose that the use of the pronoun / would 
place himself in too prominent and imposing 
an attitude in the sight of his child, and would 
appear too stern to his nervous sensibility ? Or 
does he think that the use of the pronoun you 
would be too direct an address to suit the lat- 
ter's views of the deference which should be 
paid him? — This courtly style seems badly to 
comport with that which naturally subsists be- 
tween parent and child. It savors of weakness 
and affectation on ordinary occasions ; but 
when employed in the ministration of reproof, 
it has in it, really, something of the ludicrous. 
To rebuke a child in the third person, is much 
like threatening another in his absence. Both 
will commonly entertain the same expectation 
— to escape with impunity. 



CHAPTER V. 

Unwillingness of parents to have the faults of their children men- 
tioned by other people, — why unreasonable. — Taking the part 
of children against their teachers. — Treatment of friends and 
neighbors who disclose the faults of children. 

The person, probably, was never known who 
would not admit, in the gross, that he possessed 
faults : though, if they were mentioned to him 
in detail, there might not be one, in the whole 
unseemly catalogue, which he could be made to 
acknowledge as his own, or which could be 
mentioned without giving him offence. But 
unwilling as men, in general, are to be remind- 
ed of their own errors, there are not a few who 
are still more restive when informed of the 
faults of their children. In accounting for this 
fact, it is not necessary to suppose that one's 
self-love is less fastidious than his love to his 
offspring; it can be accounted for, rather, on 
the ground that love of self is the predominant 
principle. So generally, and yet almost un- 
consciously, is the idea imprinted on the minds 
10* 



no ON THE EDUCATION 

of men that children "walk in the way to which 
they have been trained," that any misbehaviour 
on the part of the latter is considered an impu- 
tation on the fidelity, or at least, the discern- 
ment of their parents. To tell a parent, there- 
fore, of his children's faults, is received by him 
as tantamount to a reproof of himself His 
pride is offended in a tender point; and the 
messenger of these evil tidings is too often 
treated as an officious intermeddler with other 
people's concerns. 

The pride to which I have now alluded is, 
however, much too easily alarmed. In a mul- 
titude of instances, without doubt, the parent is 
greatly to blame for the faults of his children ; 
he is, indeed, always so, if they are such as he 
could have prevented. But, it should be re- 
membered, no parent is always present with his 
child, nor can be; and how shall he know what 
faults his children commit, when out of his 
sight, without some one to inform him? To 
those parents who think that their children 
never commit faults, under any circumstances, 
at home or abroad, in their presence or ab- 
sence, I have but little, in this place, to say. 
They must continue, for aught that appears, 



O F C II I L D R E N. HI 

voluntarily blind to facts, and dream of ideal 
innocence and perfection till wakened from their 
reveries by some louder call than a few general 
remarks, like these, are calculated to make. 
There are enough whose general theory of the 
human character, and of the liability of their 
children to err, is such as to induce a hope that 
they may listen to the observations which fol- 
low, with some degree of attention. 

If it is true, as was just now suggested, that 
no parent can always be present with his child- 
ren; if they must, of necessity, fall under the 
notice, if not the watch, of others ; it follows, 
as a natural consequence, that much of their 
conduct can never be known to their parents, 
except through the medium of those who may 
be friendly, and faithful enough to disclose it. 
To do this, however, is an office both unplea- 
sant, and hazardous. It is unpleasant, because 
the character of an informer, in every shape, 
subjects a person to many unfavorable imputa- 
tions and suspicions, however pure may be his 
motives, however delicate may be the manner 
of his communications, however necessary these 
latter may be for the prevention of evil, and 
however pressing may be the demands of duty. 



112 ON THE EDUCATION 

No person of common sensibility, I venture to 
say, ever communicated to a parent the unwel- 
come intelligence of his children's faults with- 
out a shrinking from the task, and without a 
struggle, for a while, between a sense of duty, 
and a feeling of diffidence at performing the 
service. The office is hazardous, because he 
who undertakes it incurs the risk of losing the 
good will of a friend, or a neighbor, with whom, 
it may be, he has long been intimate, whose dis- 
pleasure would be to him a serious loss, and to 
whom he may be obligated in gratitude for 
many acts of kindness. But laying aside par- 
ticular obligations, and special attachments, 
every person feels conscious that, in disclosing 
faults of this sort, he is in danger of drawing on 
himself some degree of displeasure, and possi- 
bly, of resentment ; or, at the least, that he is 
performing a service which is not often remu- 
nerated with thanks. When, therefore, a per- 
son, under such circumstances, acquaints another 
with the errors of a child, he is entitled to be 
considered as an honest, faithful, and impartial 
witness, even should he prove to be a mistaken 
one. From the very nature of things, it is dif- 
ficult to conceive how any man would become, 



O F C H I L D R E N. 113 

in ordinary cases, the bearer of such unwel- 
come intelligence, unless he was satisfied with 
respect to its truth, and was actuated by fair 
and conscientious motives. To treat him, then, 
unkindly for the performance of a duty so self- 
denying, and so indicative of good intentions, 
is both unjust, and ungenerous. To treat him 
harshly, is cruel ; it inflicts a wound on feelings 
of a most benevolent character, and which may 
remain long unhealed. To treat him, and the 
intelligence, with indifference merely, or with 
incredulity, is sufficiently disheartening to one 
who, at the sacrifice of much feeling, has en- 
deavored to benefit a friend without the hope 
of any possible advantage to himself in return. 
But the parent who thus cuts himself ofl^ from 
information which so nearly concerns the best 
interests of his children, makes himself and 
them the greatest losers. Were he to treat a 
person who should bring him tidings that his 
child was sick or wounded, with resentment or 
neglect, all would exclaim against his folly, and 
want of generous sentiment. Yet of how much 
more importance are diseases of the moral man, 
than those of the body. Why, then, should a 
parent reward the messenger of ill tidings, in 



114 ON THE EDUCATION 

the one case with gratitude and esteem ; while, 
in the other, he receives him with neglect, dis- 
like, and resentment? Why, in the one case, 
does he avail himself of the intelligence, and 
send for physicians, and anxiously apply all 
proper remedies; while, in the other, he dis- 
misses all concern for his child, and fosters the 
disease which he had now the opportunity to 
cure ? A wise regard to the interests of his 
child would lead him to receive and treat the 
messenger with as much kindness in the latter 
case, as in the former. It would induce him to 
listen with attention to the story of his child- 
ren's faults ; to examine the evidence of its 
truth with impartial care ; and to thank, with 
all cordiality, the person who had performed 
the unpleasant office. It would invite rather 
than repel such friendly advances, and give such 
evidence that they were received with good 
will, as would put the apprehensions of him 
who made them to rest, and encourage him to 
venture upon future disclosures. 

Although the theory in this case appears to 
be so plain, who is there who does not feel the 
difficulty of approaching a parent with the story 
of his children's faults? Who does not fear 



F C H I L D R E N. 115 

that a forfeiture of friendship, or such a dubi- 
ous fecognition of the favor as is nearly equiva- 
lent to it, may be the only result ? Or, if the 
lips of the parent should falter out some ex- 
pression of formal acknowledgment, that all else 
would show that the heart withheld its concur- 
rence ? Hence it is that recourse is so often 
had to hints, inuendoes, allusions, and a multi- 
tude of other expedients, to introduce the faults 
of their children to the notice of their parents ; 
and that full and ample disclosures are so 
seldom made. But how rarely these indirect 
methods are attended with success, I need not 
tell. I have seen a parent thus beset with inu- 
endoes and allusions, varied in every possible 
form, for an hour together ; the examples of 
other children brought into full and open vision, 
with hint after hint thrown out to show their 
application ; and every expedient tried short of 
a downright declaration of the object in view ; 
while he would yield his approbation to all that 
was said, give new force to every sentiment, and 
have no suspicion that he, or his, had the least 
concern in the subjects of discourse. — But when 
a person ventures directly to inform a parent 
that his child has been guilty of some miscon- 



116 ON THE EDUCATION 

duct ; that he has, for example, been saucy to 
his superiors, quarrelsome with his fellows, pro- 
fane in his language, has violated the truth, or 
has frequented bad places, how often is the in- 
former treated with a resentment equally direct, 
and undisguised ? How often are the bonds of 
friendship, in such cases, ruptured ; and how 
often is the informer dismissed with the taunt- 
ing monition that he would do well to attend to 
the faults of his own children, or those of some 
different friend or connection, and not to med- 
dle with the concerns of other people before 
he was solicited ? 

But the restiveness of parents is peculiarly 
observable when the faults of their children are 
exposed at school ;* and more especially, when 
their children receive correction there. What 
large displays of parental wrath are every now 
and then made, because a punishment has been 
inflicted on some notorious delinquent; what 
ample scope is there given to heart-broilings, 
vindictive feelings, reprehensions, and threats; 
what occasion is now taken for the formation 
and display of party feuds, and the genderings 

+ I refer principally to our common, or primary, schools. 



OFCHILDREN. 117 

of strife? — Beyond all question a school 
teacher is sometimes found who is indiscreet 
and hasty in his feelings ; inexperienced, and 
incorrect in his views of discipline; and who 
may, therefore, inflict a punishment not deserved, 
or disproportionate to the oflence. Nor is it to 
be denied that, among all who are entrusted 
with the care of a school, an individual may 
sometimes be found the tissue of whose nerves 
so well comports with the solid structure of his 
skull, and whose social and moral feelings are 
so obtuse, as to render him insensible to the 
pain which he inflicts on others, and incapable 
of the common sympathies of our natures. But 
such instances are rare, and whenever they 
occur, there is no difliculty in speedily remov- 
ing the evil. Nor shall I stop to notice cases 
where, through mutual precipitancy and indis- 
cretion, both teachers and parents are betrayed 
into temporary errors. I would barely remark, 
in passing, that one indiscretion does not com- 
monly cure another ; and that it is often better 
to treat slight wrongs with forbearance, than to 
undertake to avenge them. A different class 
of occurrences more particularly claims our 



118 ON THE EDUCATION 

attention ; one much more common, and 
attended with more pernicious consequences. 

In most communities there is a class of 
parents with whom the maltreatment of their 
children at school, is a standing theme of com- 
plaint. Their children are always right, and 
their instructors always wrong. If the latter 
restrain them, and compel them to order, and 
to study — they are "abusive tyrants;" if, from 
fear of giving offence, and to avoid difficulty at 
home, they suffer them to take" their own way — 
then "they neither know how to govern nor how 
to teach." For proof of the last position, they 
will refer you to the facts that their children 
have grown uneasy and turbulent, and that, in 
many weeks or months, they have made no 
advancement in learning. The facts are, indeed, 
incontestible, but of their proper causes they 
seem to have no suspicion. They never dream 
that their own conceit of their children's worth 
and inviolability has been the occasion of the 
mischief, and thrown a barrier in the way of 
their improvement ; that their own jealousy has 
prevented the instructors from an efficient dis- 
charge of their duty, and encourage their child- 
ren to set up for independence. They forget 



O F C H I L D R E N . 119 

that instructors have either feelings or respon- 
sibilities ; and that they have as little relish for 
personal abuse and vituperation, as parents 
have in reference to their children. Whatever 
reports may be brought to their ears, by in- 
structors or others, respecting the misde- 
meanors of their children, they give them no 
credit. Teachers, other children, neighbors 
and all, are prejudiced against themselves and 
their family. They know not what they have 
done that ''their James, and George, and Mary, 
should always incur the ill will of others. No 
children behave better than they do at home ; 
and, no doubt, they would always do so abroad, 
if other people's children would let them 
alone, and the teacher knew how to humor 
them." — Well would it be if the part of a child 
who had been corrected for some misdemeanor 
at school were never espoused by the parents 
at home. Yet even this is no very uncommon 

occurrence. " Mamma, Mr. whipped me 

to-day," whimpers out a young offender as he 
returns from school, eager and pouting. " What ! 
did Mr. dare to hurt my little Henry," ex- 
claims the incensed mother ? " Yes, mamma, 
he did, — he did certainly!" reply little John 



120 ON THE EDUCATION 

and Caroline, both at once, and in breathless ra- 
pidity. " I will tell your papa," says the mother, 
" and he shall see that the naughty master 
never hurts my darling again." — " He'll whip 
the naughty master, v/ont he mamma?" — 

" He'll take care, I promise you, that Mr. 

shall know better than to hurt you, or any of 
my pretty children any more." — No inquiry is 
made on the part of this discreet mother, 
whether the child had deserved correction, or 
not; nor whether it had received beyond its 
merits. The teacher had inflicted a hurt ; no 
matter whether it was moderate, or immode- 
rate ; proper or improper ; too great or not 
great enough. The deed is done ; and all 
inquiries into its propriety, and all concern for 
the moral good of the child are precluded. 
But the issue of all this is clearly foreseen by 
those who are not equally infatuated. It is 
even foreseen by other parents who might, in 
similar circumstances, imitate, to some extent, 
the same example. A more direct course to 
ruin a child could not be devised. 

Let none say that the above picture is over- 
drawn; that no parents can be found sufficiently 
infatuated to adopt a course so wild, and absurd. 



OFCHILIOREN. 121 

It is, indeed, to be hoped that such is not the 
usual practice of parents at large ; but who- 
ever thinks that such a case as the one de- 
scribed is fictitious or a solitary one, one which 
very, very rarely occurs, cannot have mingled 
extensively with families around him, or must 
have noticed with little attention how children 
are there managed, or must have been quite 
fortunate in his intercourse with the world. 
But I can assure my readers, that the above 
picture, if it exhibits deformity, is not a carica- 
ture ; and that such a scene as it represents 
happens much too often — happens, perhaps, 
oftener than it is witnessed by those who are 
not concerned in its representation. It was 
my object, I confess, to exhibit a strong case ; 
but from that case there are nice and innumer- 
able gradations, until we arrive at small and faint 
departures from propriety and discretion. Now 
all these departures are wrong ; and unremitted 
vigilance is required of every parent in guarding 
himself against the commission of errors which 
jeopardize the future well-being of his children. 
It would seem enough that he refuses to open 
his eves to his children's faults; but when in 



122 ON THE EDUCATION 

their presence he denounces those whom, in the 
capacity of teachers, he has himself constituted 
their guardians ; when by hastily espousing 
their cause he justifies their errors, and encour- 
ages them to transgress not only by the hope 
of impunity, but by the promise of retaliation 
on those very instructors who are faithful 
enough to correct their misbehaviour, he should 
be prepared to expect a superabundant crop of 
evils as the legitimate product of the seed which 
he has so inconsiderately sown. In exact pro- 
portion, too, as he has sown the seed, must he 
expect the crop to be. Although he may have 
sown but little, there will be a correspondent 
harvest of real evils, which, at some future day, 
will be fully developed. 

Even should a parent have good reason to 
believe that his child had been unduly corrected 
by a teacher, or unjustly dealt with in some 
other way, it must be an extreme case indeed, 
which would render it expedient to disclose to 
this child his particular views of the affair. A 
judicious parent would either choose to pass 
over the matter, or take advantage of a private 
interview to acquaint the teacher with his opin- 
ion and feelings. He would value the mainte- 



OFCHILDREN. 123 

nance of order and discipline in the school, and 
his child's respect for the authority of his 
teacher, at too high a rate to sacrifice them all 
to a sudden, and, perhaps, an undue resentment. 
True affection for his child would teach him to 
suppress his feelings, lest he should encourage 
a spirit of insubordination ; and justice to the 
instructor would induce him to suspend his 
judgment till the latter could be heard in his 
own vindication. 

Whenever a child prefers a complaint against 
his instructor, it should be borne in mind that the 
evidence is, presumptively, in favor of the latter. 
It is always to be presumed, until facts shall 
appear to do away the presumption, that a per- 
son of mature age, of approved character and 
standing in society, and placed by proper 
authority in a responsible situation, is more 
likely to be right than a mere child, inexperi- 
enced, unformed in character, capricious, and 
peculiarly liable to err. The ordinary rules of 
justice would require that this person should be 
held innocent until sufficient proof to the con- 
trary should be adduced. With this principle 
prudence, also, entirely concurs. Let parents, 
then, be careful how they listen to such allega- 



124 ON THE EDUCATION 

tions as have been now considered, until they 
have examined the ground? on which they 
are made ; and let them be willing to award to 
Ihe guardians of their children, the same mea- 
sure of justice which they would not refuse to 
other persons engaged in the humblest employ- 
ments. 

On principles not very dissimilar, when a 
friend, a neighbor, or acquaintance, gives notice 
to a person that his child has been in fault, and 
this friend, neighbor or acquaintance, sustains 
a fLir character for probity, the presumption is 
that he has told the truth ; and he ought to be 
credited for what he says until something shall 
appear to weaken or disprove his allegations. 
To distrust his information is to consider him 
as credulous, or dishonest ; to receive it with 
coldness, is to show him that his further good 
offices are not desired ; to treat it with an unkind 
return of words and actions, is a direct act of 
injustice and a most ungenerous abuse of friend- 
ship. However badly your child may conduct 
in future, and however ruinous may be his 
course, you must thenceforward remain in 
ignorance of the truth, or learn it from some 
other quarter. Nor will any other person, ac- 



OFCHILDREN. 125 

quainted with the success of former efforts to 
convey the truth, be forward to volunteer his 
services in so bootless, and so thankless an 
undertaking. Yet this very success, or rather 
want of it, will be widely known, for matters 
of that kind are not usually kept a secret ; and 
while some will be pitying you for your mis- 
fortune, and others reproaching you for your 
folly, you will remain in ignorance of your 
need of the one, or your desert of the other. 
Your child, in the mean time, is advancing in 
the downward road with no parent to check 
his career, because he has none who is willing 
to know where he is, or what he does. In all 
probability he is himself aware of your unwil* 
lingness to know the truth respecting him, for 
rarely is a child deceived in regard to his 
parent's blindness to his failings. You have 
removed out of the way the most effectual 
barrier against his progress in error — a pa- 
rent's vigilance. In refusing to listen to the 
disclosure of his faults, you have encouraged 
him to commit them; and however disastrously 
his career may terminate, you cannot have the 
consolation of exclaiming — I am innocent. 



CHAPTERVI. 

Parental vigilance.— Indiscriminate yielding to children's requests. — 
Allowance of spending money — and other means of self indul- 
gence. — Withholding of restraints. — Ignorance of parents as to 
the places which their children frequent— their companions— their 
unseascmable hours — their employments. — Importance of harmony 
between both parents. — Direct permission of children to be from 
home in the night season.— Practices in country villages. 

The necessity of parental vigilance, in some 
of its applications, has been occasionally ad- 
verted to in the preceding chapters. I shall 
now consider it more extensively. — By vigil- 
ance here, I mean an unremitted attention, on 
the part of the parent, to the formation of the 
character of his child ; a constant oversight of 
his conduct ; and a due care that this oversight 
shall not be withdrawn by himself, nor eluded 
by the latter. 

As a fraction can never be equal to a whole 
number, so the character of a child which is 
formed only in part can never be complete. In 
proportion as the integrant parts of the cha- 
racter fail, it must be mutilated and deformed. 



EDUCATION OF CHILDREN. UJ 

Knowledge, virtue, health, industry, and skilful- 
ness in business, are essential parts of a proper 
education. Let either of these be wanting, and 
the evil consequences are at once obvious. 
Of these, health, or bodily vigor, is, in many 
respects, the least essential to general useful- 
ness, unless it be impaired in a very consider- 
able degree ; yet who would willingly suffer 
any portion of it to be abstracted, and hazard 
the consequences, if such a loss could, by any 
attention, be avoided ? Whatever parent, then, 
neglects either of these particulars in the edu- 
cation of his child, is guilty of a fault for which 
he has no excuse, provided he had the power 
to secure a different result. Yet none need to 
be told that very many parents do neglect to 
use all the care and pains which might be em- 
ployed in relation to these important objects. 
But I cannot stop here to give each of these 
topics a separate consideration. There are 
two or three practices which are in their ten- 
dency subversive of those objects, on which I 
shall next submit a few remarks. 

It is quite a prevalent custom with parents 
seldom, or never, to deny a child any request 
which it may choose to make, and which he has 



128 ON THE EDUCATION 

it in his power to bestow. He stops less to in- 
quire whether the granting of the request will 
benefit his child, than whether it will prevent 
its further importunity. This the latter well 
understands ; and if one simple asking will not 
suffice, it knows that a little teasing will. — 
" Ask your mamma," said once a little girl to 
her playmate, " to give you such a thing," 
which the former wanted, but which the latter 
felt conscious she could not obtain. "My 
mamma," replied she, " will refuse to let me 
have it if I do ask her." " Oh," rejoined the 
other, '^ tease her, and you will get it ; I always 
get what I wish from my mother, by teasing 
her." — That was the true language of nature. 
This little child had already learned how to 
conquer. Her mother had betrayed her own 
weakness, and nature itself had taught the 
daughter how to take advantage of it. In her 
simplicity, too, she thought that all mothers 
were like her own ; and she had become a 
tempter of others before she knew what tempta- 
tion meant. — This brief story illustrates the 
practice and the folly of many thousand parents, 
who appear to be unconscious of the mischief 
which they are causing. They probably never 



OFCHILDREN. 129 

once thought of putting the question to them- 
selves, are we right in giving our children all 
vrhich they require ; or in allowing ourselves 
to be overcome by their entreaties, when our 
better judgments had at first given them a de- 
nial? — The conduct of such parents is censur- 
able, in whatever point of view it be considered. 
It is wrong to multiply the factitious wants of 
our children by indulging them. There are 
real and proper ones enough on which we may 
expend our generosity, and in the supply of 
which Ave may manifest our paternal desire to 
gratify our children's feelings, without encour- 
aging them to demand favors which it would be 
a kindness in ourselves to withhold, and a 
cruelty to bestow. The parent who gives solely 
because his children ask him to give may, if he 
will, take credit to himself for being kind and 
indulgent, and for loving them with a superior 
degree of affection ; but he greatly miscon- 
ceives the true test of attachment. It is a cha- 
racteristic of genuine love to seek the best good 
of its object. In the language of Paul, "love 
worketh no ill to his neighbor." In conform- 
ity with this general laAv, then, a parent's love 
to his child should lead him to promote his 
12 



130 ON THE EDUCATION 

welfare, not to gratify his caprices. When- 
ever the welfare of the latter demands that his 
wishes should be denied, it is the part of true 
parental affection to give them a firm denial. 
To do otherwise is, in fact, downright selfish- 
ness, however disguised it may be under a 
specious exterior. How commonly is indulg- 
ence given to a child, merely because to give 
it, is easier than to withhold it. It is because 
the parent himself cannot practise self-denial 
that he fosters the capriciousness of his off- 
spring. He may dignify this procedure with 
the name of parental fondness and kindness, if 
he pleases ; but the effect is no better than if it 
originated from malevolence. 

The habitual indulgence of children is not 
only an evil in itself, as it stands opposed to 
self-denial, which has always been accounted a 
virtue of no small magnitude, but it also carries 
with it a train of other evils. The objects of 
gratified desire, in very many instances, become 
themselves sources of new temptation. The 
child requests permission to peruse some book ; 
perhaps, to purchase it. The parent, without 
inquiry into its character, grants the request. 
By the reading of that book, the moral princi- 



O F C H I L D R E N . 131 

pies of the child may be completely under- 
mined, and his ruin made secure ; or, at the 
least, many false notions of men and things 
may be infused into his mind, which it may be 
impossible afterward to eradicate, and which 
cannot be retained without injury. He asks, 
and is allowed, to have certain persons for his as- 
sociates. These associates allure him into vice, 
cause him to despise what is good, and conduct 
him in paths which, but for them, he would 
never have trod. — The practice of indulging 
children with spending money, to the extent to 
which it is often carried, is a most fruitful source 
of temptation, and deserves a particular consi- 
deration. This, in my own view, is one of the 
greatest errors into which parents of wealth and 
fashion generally fall. Here they seem hardly 
to wait for solicitation, but volunteer to put 
their children in the road to ruin. A more di- 
rect way to make a youth a spendthrift could 
not be devised, than to give him money with- 
out stint, without direction how to use it, and 
without accounting for its application. His ad- 
vances in forming prodigal habits will corre- 
spond with his means and opportunities for 
acquiring them ; and in whatever degree these 



132 ON THE EDUCATION 

exist, he receives a positive injury commensu- 
rate with the temptation, and the indulgence in 
which it originated. Let no parent, then, be- 
lieve that even a partial indulgence in this re- 
spect is harmless, and that his child is safe 
because he has not tempted him to the full ex- 
tent of his ability, or to the extent on which 
some other parent has ventured in relation to 
his children. It is not, moreover, very easy, nor 
very safe, to fix a graduated scale for the 
measurement of moral evils. What a parent 
may deem a very moderate allowance of spend- 
ing money, may suffice to ruin his son. On 
this point parents are exposed to judge very 
differently. The man who is worth a hundred 
thousand dollars is quite likely to consider an 
allowance as small, which another, worth only 
the twentieth part of that sum, would consider 
a very large one. The truth is, he is very prone 
to estimate this allowance by his own ability to 
furnish it, rather than its adequacy to supply 
the proper wants of his child, or its tendency 
to injure him. He scarcely, if at all, takes into 
view the question, how much, in the nature of 
things, is it proper and safe to furnish ; nor 
even stops to reflect whether there is such a 



O F C H I L D R E N . 133 

thing as a general principle in the case, appli- 
cable as a rule of action, and involving a duty 
which he is not at liberty to disregard. Yet 
there must be, and is, a general principle here, 
as vrell as elsewhere, founded in the very na- 
ture of man, and in the natural connection 
between causes and effects. No matter whether 
a parent be rich or poor, honorable or disho- 
norable, considerate or inconsiderate ; their 
children are all born with similar dispositions 
and propensities; with similar aptitudes to re- 
ceive impressions, good or bad ; and with simi- 
lar capabilities of being acted on by all the 
causes which ever operate in the formation of 
human character. So far as money can ope- 
rate as a temptation to evil, the child of a 
rich man, surely, is endowed with no greater 
natural powers to resist it than the child of the 
poor man ; and so far as the general manage- 
ment and contingencies of his education are con- 
cerned, the probability that he will resist is by 
no means increased. When a lad, a youth, 
who knows not what it is to toil for the acqui- 
sition of property, nor the care and attention 
which are requisite for its preservation ; and 
who has learned to attach no other value to 
12* 



134 ON THE EDUCATION 

money than its capability of administering to 
his factitious wants, and the gratifying of appe- 
tites and desires which ought to be extinguished 
rather than cherished and indulged, is liberally 
provided with this commodity notwithstanding, 
and is suffered to use it as his inclinations shall 
prompt him, his parents should not — ought 
not — to be surprised if he becomes extrava- 
gant, and prodigal. 

Ignorance of the value of property, and pro- 
fuseness in spending it, are not the only evils 
attendant on a free allowance of money to the 
young. It is both the source and the instru- 
ment of mischief in a variety of forms. The 
youth who is liberally furnished with this arti- 
cle is at once tempted to form devices for 
expending it. His ingenuity is taxed in form- 
ing plans for the gratifying of appetites which 
might otherwise have lain dormant. He is 
beset with tempters, under the name of associ- 
ates, who, but for this, would have let him alone; 
but who now excite him to various excesses, 
with the double motive of securing a com- 
panion, and of adding something to their own 
means of gratification. That " money is power," 
is grown into an adage ; and it is a true one. 



O F C H I L D R E N. 135 

It is as truly " power," too, in the hands of the 
young, as of the old, and for hurtful, as for use- 
ful purposes. It is the key which unlocks the 
doors of those haunts where all the panders to 
the senses dwell ; it is the lever which removes 
out of the way the obstacles to forbidden en- 
joyments ; it is the hrihe which hires abettors 
and procurers of unlawful things, and constrains 
to secrecy the mouths which would utter tales. 
How those who plentifully supply their child- 
ren with the means of procuring almost every 
species of indulgence, and then send them forth 
inexperienced and unguarded into places, and 
leave them in circumstances, where temptations 
abound, and evil suggestions are multiplied, 
and the pathway to error is made easy, can ex- 
pect them to escape the exposure unhurt, would 
be strange, indeed, were not the practice so 
common. In many instances, there is reason 
to believe, the youth is exposed to all that is 
here intimated without even a premonition of 
danger ; but even in cases where he may have 
received some salutary counsels, and the "incul- 
cation of some correct principles, of how much 
avail will these be against the allurements and 
temptations with which they are combatted? 



136 ON THE EDUCATION 

" Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his 
clothes not be burnt?" — If we give our child- 
ren the facilities of mischief and they do not 
escape, we ought not to avoid the reflections 
which our conduct may afterward excite. 
Even if they come forth unharmed, we shall 
have no cause of self-gratulation, that they 
have escaped the snares to which we had ex- 
posed them. — Why do the children of the 
wealthy so often become idle, and profligate, 
and squander the estates of their fathers ? is a 
question often asked, and easily answered. — 
Why should they not do thus ? it may be asked 
in return ; what other result ought to be ex- 
pected ? The parents did all which they could 
— at least, they did enough, to produce the ef- 
fect; — and the eff*ect followed in the due 
course of nature. Happy is it for the children 
of the poor that their parents are denied the 
power of so completely tempting them to ruin. 
A consideration of this kind should reconcile 
both to their lot, and should stifle in them the 
feelings of envy towards their wealthier neigh- 
bors and acquaintances for possessing a source 
of evils from which they are exempt, but which 
they are nevertheless too prone to covet, and 



OFCHILDREN. 137 

would, in all probability, use no better, if it 
were their own. 

It is proper to remark that parents strictly 
wealthy are not the only ones who are liable to 
err in too liberally furnishing their children 
with money. There is a fashion in this matter 
which is often followed because it is the fash- 
ion, without a consideration of the propriety of 
so doing. Many err in this particular whose 
resources are small, and who can but poorly 
afford this demand upon their purse. But their 
children "want it;" "the children of Messrs. A, 
B, C, and D, have money enough at their com- 
mand, and I do not wish that my children should 
be thought of lightly, or suffer mortification for 
the lack of means to make them appear respect- 
able." — " Our children must do and appear 
like other children." — The practice of which I 
am treating is very observable in our cities and 
larger towns. Children there are furnished 
with this "root of all evil," to a much greater 
extent than in the country at large. More ob- 
jects which are to be bought with money are 
there presented to the senses, and exposed in 
very inviting forms. Such presentations pro- 
duce desire, and this urges the child to apply to 



138 ON THE EDUCATION 

his parents for the means of gratifying it. The 
parent, unwilling to deny, grants the request. 
Success in first petitions encourages the child 
to repeat and enlarge them ; to grant them be- 
comes a habit on the part of the parent, and is 
finally considered a matter of course. Every 
one is sure to countenance his neighbor in what 
he does himself; and so a general concert, and 
tacit agreement, is introduced for giving cur- 
rency to a practice which puts in jeopardy the 
essential interests of their children. — Nor is this 
practice confined to cities and populous towns. 
Country villages, in the spirit of emulation, fall 
in with the usages which there prevail, for fash- 
ion's sake, if for no better reason. Who are 
such competent judges of fitness and propriety 
as those who live in the midst of wealth, of bu- 
siness, of crowds, and of social enjoyments ? To 
know where a custom originates, is to know 
whether it is worthy of adoption. Nor are 
even our village inhabitants the only copiers of 
metropolitan manners. The family that lives 
quite retired catches the spirit and the feelings 
of others whose situation is supposed to give 
them a rightful dominion in the empire of cus- 
tom. In short, if a man has the mere present 



O F C H I L D R E N . 139 

ability to furnish his child with pocket-money, 
the latter wants it, and custom sanctions the 
usage, no further inquiry is made about first 
principles, natural tendencies, and probable 
dangers. 

These plain and frank-hearted remarks on a 
practice which is extremely common, may, by 
some, be deemed too fastidious. It may be 
thought that the danger is over-rated, and that 
a course, quite too restrictive, is impliedly re- 
commended. What has been said, however, is 
the result of my own convictions derived from 
thirty years' experience in the management of 
youth, under a variety of circumstances which 
have afforded favorable opportunities for per- 
ceiving the operation of various causes in the 
formation of their characters, from early child- 
hood up to maturer years. My opinion, thus 
gradually and deliberately formed, is, that the 
whole system of needless indulgences, under 
different forms and names, is radically wrong, 
and injurious in its consequences. Among 
these, the furnishing of children with money be- 
yond what their proper exigences require, and 
thus committing to them the power of self in- 
dulgence to an unknown extent, holds a promi- 



140 ON THE EDUCATION 

nent place. Other indulgences contribute their 
respective shares to the grand result, and in 
their various proportions. The question, why 
the children of wealthy parents are so often, 
not always, spoiled, finds here a ready solution, 
and the evil itself its proper remedy. All must 
admit that this evil, if it actually exists, has its 
peculiar cause ; and what other cause, so ade- 
quate to an efl^ect so distinctive in its character, 
can be assigned? Were the management of 
children, thus situated, reversed, would the re- 
sult be the same ? Could causes, diametrically 
opposite, and acting on the same subjects, pro- 
duce the same effects ? 

The withholding of restraints upon children is 
intimately connected with the granting of in- 
dulgences. — It is the practice of a great many 
parents to allow their hoys, especially, to be out 
of the reach of their inspection, and of their 
knowledge of what they are doing. These lat- 
ter are permitted to be absent from home at 
whatever hour, and for whatever purpose they 
please, without special leave first obtained, and 
to return when they choose. No questions are 
asked in respect to the places of their resort ; 
the company which they have kept; nor the 



OFCHILDREN. 141 

employments which have engaged their atten- 
tion. If they return late at night, the fact is 
kept from the knowledge of their parents, or it 
is tolerated, or but slightly noticed. No ac- 
count whatever is rendered for any part of their 
conduct, for none is required; and no anxiety 
is manifested by the parents lest something 
should be wrong ; no suspicion betrayed that 
all is not right. Or should there be a surmise 
that something was amiss, the expression of it 
would be so feeble, and the reproof so gentle, 
that no danger would be inferred to any future 
repetition of the affair. There is no peremp- 
tory prohibition of a further offence ; there is 
hardly an intimation, indeed, that any one is 
offended. So little is the vigilance which many 
parents exercise over their children, that the 
latter frequently advance far in the formation 
of irregular or dissipated habits, and even so 
far as almost to exclude the hope of reclama- 
tion, before a suspicion is excited that they have 
strayed at all. Often is it the fact that the for- 
mer are quietly pursuing their business, or sit- 
ting by their fire-sides musing over their do- 
mestic prospects in tranquil expectation of hap- 
piness to come, with entire confidence in their 
13 



142 O N T II E E D U C A T I O N 

children's virtuous and sober habits, while these, 
at the very moment, are in the midst of scenes, 
and engaged in pursuits, which, if known or 
even suspected, would fill their hearts with dis- 
may. When children once discover that they 
can easily elude the vigilance of their pfarents, 
or rather, as often happens, that there is no vi- 
gilance to be eluded, they are very prone to 
avail themselves of their advantage. The fear 
of detection, which is one of the greatest pre- 
servatives from mischief, is here removed, and 
full opportunity given to follow the bent of their 
own inclinations. When this parental watch- 
fulness is wanting or but feebly interposed, 
there need be no great wonder at the kind of 
expedients which are sometimes adopted by the 
young. I will give only a single specimen of 
what may be more common than is generally 
supposed. In one of our large cities was a fa- 
mily of several sons. By mutual agreement 
these would retire to rest at an early hour, and 
as soon as the parents had done the same, all, 
but one, would silently sally out in quest of 
such adventures and sports as the theatre and 
other places of nocturnal revelry might offer. 
The one who remained behind had it in trust to 



OFCHILDREN. 143 

maintain guard, and open the doors to receive 
his fraternal vagrants when they should return, 
towards morning, exhausted with the adven- 
tures of the night. At the next sally, his post 
was occupied by one of the others, while he 
went forth with the remainder. Thus they se- 
verally took their turns with systematical regu- 
larity, and helped each other to ruin. The pa- 
rents, and Christian parents too, rested quietly 
every night without a suspicion of what was 
transacted, and in the morning viewed their 
children with fond complacency, and by their 
easy, unsuspecting, and fond demeanor, proved 
how much they had become their dupes, and so 
encouraged them to repeat their delusions. 
Christian friends were acquainted with these 
facts, but, for reasons already assigned in the 
last chapter, were deterred from making them 
known. Now let me inquire, was all this ig- 
norance on the part of the parents unavoidable ? 
Was here a proper vigilance maintained? 
Friends and neighbors, who had much less op- 
portunity, and incomparably less interest, to 
become acquainted with the facts, nevertheless 
knew them all, and would have been willing to 
disclose them also, had not another attendant 



144 ON THE EDUCATION 

error precluded this act of kindness. How- 
many similar scenes, in different proportions 
and with varied shades, are dimly represented, 
Slight after night, through our land, is known 
only to that Omnipresent Eye to which the 
darkness and the light are the same. Cases si- 
milar in character, with many variations of form 
and degree, certainly are not rare. They form 
a subject of conversation in even almost every 
village and state of society, and seem to be un- 
known to few, excepting those whose know- 
ledge ought to be greatest. 

Should some one inquire, how is it possible 
that parents should know what is transacted in 
their sleep; and if their children will deceive 
them, although it is a calamity, how is it to 
be avoided, and how are the former to blame ? 
I answer, this sort of questioning does not 
conduct us to a right solution of the diffi- 
culty. Their error commenced farther back. 
They had lost their proper hold upon their 
children by previous neglect. They had, 
step by step, encouraged them to do as they 
pleased ; had not held them responsible for 
what they did, nor where they were , had con- 
fided in all their representations without the 



OFCHILDREN. 145 

pains of ascertaining how far their confidence 
was well placed ; by fearing no evil themselves 
had taught them to fear none in return ; and, by 
all these united, had encouraged them to expect 
impunity in transgression, or, at least, success 
in deceiving. This want of parental vigilance, 
this false security of parents, is the fruitful 
source of tremendous evils. A child who be- 
lieves that he is under the continual inspection 
of his parents, that they make continual inquiry 
into his conduct, that he can do nothing with- 
out its coming to their knowledge, that he can- 
not cheat them with fair speeches, and a feigned 
look of sobriety, will seldom venture on forbid- 
den ground. If he is made to account for his 
conduct, he will view himself accountable, and 
never without it. He will have a conscience, 
for he is constrained to have one. He will 
dread to give his parents trouble, from the fact 
that he sees they are troubled, and are willing 
to be troubled, in his behalf. He will try to 
avoid faults, because he knows that they will 
inquire into them. He will be cautious how he 
feigns excuses, when he knows that they will 
be thoroughly sifted. He will be careful to re- 
veal the truth, when he sees that other testi 
13* 



146 ON THE EDUCATION 

mony will receive credit besides his own. These 
are fundamental principles, and whatever pa- 
rent disregards them, will find, sooner or later, 
that he does so to his cost. 

In the whole process of education it is of vast 
importance that both parents should harmonize 
in their views. When one thwarts the other, 
very serious consequences may follow. Any 
disagreement here, if acted out, is sure to be 
known to the children, and to them will often 
be submitted the important decision, which they 
will obey ? But when one directly espouses 
the cause of the children, as they would term 
it, against the other, the consequences are truly 
disastrous. Yet such cases exist. To what 
good purpose can one parent endeavor to be 
faithful, and vigilantly guard his children from 
evil, while the other counteracts his efforts with 
ill-timed interventions 1 When one, in presence 
of the children, charges the other with undue 
severity, there must be a prostration of parental 
authority. There is still another interference 
which ought not to be unnoticed, and with un- 
feigned regret do I find occasion for bringing it 
into view. Mothers, — even so, mothers some- 
times screen the improper conduct of their elder 



OFCHILDREN. 147 

children from the knowledge of their fathers ; 
not for the sake of sparing his sensibility, but 
for the purpose of defending them from his re- 
buke. I know mothers who have done thus, 
and could call them by name. They have been 
fully informed of the guilty excesses of their 
children ; of their nocturnal scrapes, their bad 
companionship, their profane behaviour and lan- 
guage ; they have seen in their sons and their 
daughters things which never ought to have 
been seen nor done ; and have studiously con- 
cealed the whole from their father's knowledge. 
When his suspicions were excited, they have 
assiduously endeavored to allay them, and been 
successful, too, in the attempt. The conse- 
quences have been such as might have been an- 
ticipated. The behaviour of the children has 
been proverbially bad ; they have fixed a stigma 
on themselves, and on their maternal abettors, 
as lasting as the remembrance of their names. 
What motives could prompt these persons to 
such a course, I stop not to inquire. Happy 
would it be were there no such facts to be men- 
tioned, and were there no originals for the 
drawing of such a picture. 

Next to the evil of permitting children to 



148 ON THE EDUCATION 

elude the inspection of their parents is that of 
directly allowing them to go where they please, 
and to be out as long as they please, in the 
night season. It is truly painful to witness the 
extent to which this custom is carried. The 
idea that young people mws^have their licenses 
and their frolics, and that, if they are restrain- 
ed, their youthful passions, like waters dammed 
and pent up, will sooner or later burst forth 
with the greater violence, is quite too prevalent 
for one that is so absurd. The passions of men 
are more like concealed fires, than streams of 
water, in their nature and effects ; and combus- 
tion is not retarded by excitation, and by fresh 
supplies of inflammable materials, but pro- 
moted. Friction elicits heat in bodies which, 
without it, would have continued cool ; and a 
bellows kindles into flame a fire which might 
otherwise have slumbered. A parent who ex- 
poses his children to all the collisions of an un- 
restrained intercourse with companions in noc- 
turnal revels ; who provides them with the 
means of procuring hurtful enjoyments ; and 
who, believing that all this is a matter of 
course, makes no inquiry as to their places 
of resort and the manner in which they 
are employed, does enough to excite all 



OFCHILDREN. 149 

their latent energies of evil into action, and 
gives even more than his tacit consent to their 
full development. The darkness of night, the 
absence of reprovers, the consciousness of 
safety from paternal admonition, the presence 
of companions mutually exciting each other, 
the sound of music, the glee of youth, the in- 
fluence of wine, and the forgetfulness of Hea- 
ven, unite in subduing their moral sensibilities, 
and giving them a relish for animal gratifica- 
tions. Such occasions, often repeated, perma- 
nently vitiate their taste, and debase their mo- 
ral and intellectual faculties. How any should 
suppose that the way to overcome and subdue 
the vagrant propensities of youth is to give 
them scope ; to destroy an appetite is to in- 
dulge it ; and to allay desire is to keep its ob- 
jects in sight, is not to be accounted for on the 
common principles of philosophy. Those who 
think thus must judge from other data than 
those which are furnished by common expe- 
rience, or by the success of their own experi- 
ments. 

In country villages who has not been annoy- 
ed with collections of boys, noisy and obstrep- 
erous, at those seasons of the year when the 
evenings are favorable to such gatherings? 



150 ON THE EDUCATION 

These boys are to be seen even in front, or in 
view, of their parents' dwellings, rudely voci- 
ferous, pert to passers-by, and heedless of com- 
mon decorum. These are not occasional meet- 
ings, and held a moderate time for the purposes 
of recreation, but regularly occur, and continue 
from supper to bed time. I said, till bed-time 

— it were well if some of them observed that 
usual hour of repose, instead of stealing away 
to prowl in quest of some work of darkness. 
Now parents must admit that they really allow 
all this, for it is done before their eyes, and in 
their hearing. But what good do they pro- 
pose to themselves, or their offspring, by such 
allowance ? What one useful thing are the lat- 
ter here learning. How is their health, or their 
minds, or their manners, here benefitted ? On 
the contrary how much is lost in point of time, 
and opportunity for improvement ; how much 
evil sustained by the acquirement of bad habits. 

— But, "I cannot keep my boys at home," re- 
plies a parent, " they will be in the streets so 
long as other boys are there ; I know it to be 
wrong, yet I cannot prevent it." — A pitiable 
case, truly ! Your children will not obey you! 
— What a pity that a father should have such 



OFCHILDREN. 161 

children! — that children should have such a 
father! — Do you not see that the children of 
some of your neighbors are never seen in those 
collections ? They have been taught to obey 
their fathers, and yours might have been taught 
to do the same, had you discharged your duty. 
Begin, then, to do what you have so long 
neglected. Do it patiently, steadfastly, uni- 
formly ; assert your abandoned parental rights, 
and you will find that you have obedient child- 
ren, as well as others. When you shall have 
succeeded in keeping your boys from the streets, 
go one step further, and keep them from your 
village stores, from tavern houses, and other 
places of idle resort. These country stores 
are often dangerous from the fact that it is con- 
sidered less disreputable to congregate there 
than at taverns ; although the only difference 
between the places in point of practice and 
eflect, is that the former give most encourage- 
ment to what is bad, from having a better name, 
and affording greater security from detection. 
Ask your country youth where they have 
squandered the most hours by night, in tippling 
and gambling, and in idle and profane discourse ; 
many of them will tell you, in the stores. In 



152 EDUCATION OF CHILDREN. 

these mercantile cloisters, as they truly become 
by their shutters and bolts and bars as soon as 
the daily customers retire for the night, are 
often perpetrated deeds which would bear com- 
parison with their gloomy prototypes. One 
vicious clerk, with an easy unsuspecting master, 
can do more mischief in one of these veiled re- 
cesses, than can well be calculated. Let every 
parent who values the moral character of his 
child aright, keep him aloof from places of this 
description, and from every place where evil, 
and not good, is acquired. He should teach 
him to spend his evenings at home, in useful 
reading and conversation : or in places of pro- 
per instruction. He should teach him to love 
home, and the pleasures which are there to be 
found ; and when the family retire to rest, to 
follow their example with a conscience unbur- 
dened with a sense of guilt, and happy in de- 
serving a parent's blessing. 



CHAPTER VII. 

Choice of schools.— Course frequently pursued in selecting one. — 
What are proper inquiries to be made respecting schools — Pa- 
rental conduct towards children when at school. — Representations 
of the likes and dislikes of the latter— how to be received.— Siding 
with the child against the teacher— directly— and indirectly. — 
Selection of proper situations for business — things to be regarded. 

The observations which have thus far been 
made have respect to the care and management 
of children while they remain under the parental 
roof But it is not always, even during their 
minority, that they can remain there. Their 
parents oftentimes have occasion, and are in 
duty required, to place them in schools away 
from home, or to apprentice them to some busi- 
ness, or in some other way to dispose of them. 
Some remarks, therefore, in relation to the 
errors which are, or may be, committed in this 
disposal of children may very properly be made 
in connection with what has preceded. 

When a parent is called upon to select a 
school in which to place a child, it would seem 
14 



154 ON THE EDUCATION 

to be an obvious dictate of good sense that he 
should endeavor to find one where the mind 
should be most effectually cultivated, and where 
the morals, manners, general habits, and health, 
should be best promoted.* Every one must be 
the judge of his own ability to defray the school 
expenses of his child ; but whatever he may 
judge himself able to devote to this important 
object, it is fit that he should lay it out to the 
best advantage ; — that he should derive as much 
benefit as possible from a given sum in a given 
time. The general inquiry, however, seems to 
be, where does schooling come the cheapest? 
That point ascertained, the whole business is 
settled. How much is learned, of good or evil, 
is never taken into the account ; nor is it con- 
sidered what actually constitutes an article dear 
or cheap, beyond the price which is paid for it ; 
— the value received makes no part of the esti- 
mate. A school is a school ; and the tiw,e 
which a child has been in one, together with 
the assumption of a few appropriate airs, is the 
only criterion of his acquisitions. 

* It need hardly be remarked that schools of a higher order, 
to which children are sent from abroad, are intended in these 
remarks. 



O F C H I L D R £ N . 155 

Some, however, do make inquiries into the 
character of different schools, before they ven- 
ture to place their children in them. But per- 
haps these inquiries are confined to the single 
point, whether the scholars are suited with 
them ? If these are satisfied, all is well ; al- 
though the very reasons for this satisfaction 
may be, that they are suffered to have their 
own way, with little or no restraint ; to study 
no more than they please ; to recite but seldom, 
and then without correction ; to misspend their 
time without reproof; and to engage in mis- 
chief without the fear of being detected. Such 
schools, beyond all question, are the delight of 
very many young masters and misses. — "Why 
do you send your son to such a school?" in- 
quired one gentleman of another. " Because 
he is so greatly pleased with it," was the reply. 
" What is it that so much pleases him ?" " Oh, 
he goes off to hunt and to fish, to be on the 
water, and to amuse himself in various ways, 
as often as he chooses." " But, does he learn 
well?" " No, not as well as he did before he 
went there." " Why, then, do you continue 
him where he is ?" " He likes the place, and I 
love to gratify him." This brief conversation 



156 ON THE EDUCATION 

discloses the kind of feelings by which not a 
few parents are governed in this important 
matter. To gratify the irregular wishes of 
their children at any risk, rather than to guide 
and control them, seems to be their chief aims. 
In seeking information respecting a particular 
school, they address their inquiries to the pupils 
themselves, indiscriminately, without a know- 
ledge of their characters, and of the motives 
which may influence their responses. It not 
unfrequently happens that the very individuals 
relied on for information, are the last to whom 
application should be made ; individuals who 
have been under censure, and who, in the mo- 
ment of resentment, are ready to retaliate on 
those who disturbed their tranquillity. Every 
literary institution, from the university down 
to the simplest primary school, is liable to 
temporary disquietudes and commotions, not 
unlike the occasional agitations of the atmo- 
sphere, or the epidemical outbreakings of 
disease. There is a distempered state of these 
communities^ during the continuance of which 
objects are made to appear distorted, and truth 
and reason give place to visions of the imagina- 
tion. Yet there are not wanting those who will 



OFCHILDREN. 157 

suffer their opinion of a school to be biased by 
representations of youth while infected with this 
disease, and who even imbibe the contagion in- 
to their own systems. — Now it is strange that 
any should not see that the real merits of a 
school are but poorly ascertained from such 
ambiguous sources. I do not say that the tes- 
timony of scholars themselves is never to be 
regarded; nor that, in certain circumstances 
and in connection with other evidences, it may 
not be valuable. But to rely exclusively on 
this when other, and more certain, evidence 
might be had, can be neither wise nor safe. It 
is committing too much to the whims and freaks 
of childhood and youth, and prematurely trust- 
ing to judgments which were never formed. 
Order, decorum, industry, and virtuous re- 
straint are not precisely the traits of character 
in a school which are wont to draw forth the 
highest encomiums from youthful minds : but 
they are traits which a judicious parent must 
know how to prize, and for the want of which 
no other good qualities can make an adequate 
atonement. 

The proper inquiries concerning a school 
are, is the instruction thorough, and is there 
14* 



158 ON THE EDUCATION 

enough of it ; — is good care taken of the moral 
principles and habits of the pupils ; — are they 
trained to order, industry, and economy: — or 
are these things attended to but in part, or su- 
perficially? As every school is sure to claim 
for itself to be a good one, and as there is never 
any difficulty in obtaining signatures to almost 
any high-wrought recommendations in its favor, 
either from persons interested in its support, or 
from such good-natured individuals as are ever 
ready to lend their names to all who ask them, 
it would be well if parents would ascertain for 
themselves what are the instruments and means 
provided for the accomplishment of what is 
promised. It is not uncommon to hear the 
funds of some literary institution, or a new and 
elegant building recently erected, spoken of in 
commendation of its merits. But it should be 
remembered that neither funds nor buildings 
constitute instruction, nor confer talents on 
teachers, nor give a sure pledge for the protec- 
tion of morals, and the formation of general 
character. Funds may render tuition cheap, 
but they do not determine its quality ; and a 
splendid edifice may gratify the eye, without 
furnishing the head with knowledge, and with- 



OFCHILDREN. 159 

out improving the heart. It would be far more 
useful to the parent to know whether there is 
but one instructor to perhaps forty pupils, or 
one to twelve or fifteen ; and whether the in- 
structor himself possesses sufficient scholarship 
to become the teacher of others. It is not enough 
to know that a teacher has been honored with 
a college diploma, — these diplomas are but poor 
vouchers of literary merit. They are evidence, 
indeed, that a man has been where knowledge 
was to be had, but they do not very accurately 
show how much he has gained. — A parent's 
inquiries should refer to the indispensables for 
constituting a good school, and to evidence 
which will not prove deceptive. If they are 
directed to matters which are foreign to the 
purpose, or delusory in their nature, disappoint- 
ments must frequently ensue. How much, and 
how often, do the scholars recite? — are they 
required to be regular and industrious, or are 
they allowed to spend much of their time in 
parties of pleasure, and in rambles for their 
amusement? — and when, in consequence of 
such engagements or some other misspense of 
time, they stay away from recitations, or come 
unprepared, are they called to no account, or 



160 ON THE EDUCATION 

are they easily excused ? are inquiries of im- 
portance, but which are too seldom made. 
There are schools where all this remissness 
may be found, which are nevertheless popular. 
But would they be popular were their merits 
estimated by the actual progress of their pupils 
in useful knowledge, and in other valuable ac- 
quisitions ? How different an opinion would 
parents form of the character of schools, would 
they request a competent friend to examine 
their children in the studies which they had pur- 
sued, and so ascertain the actual progress which 
they had made. If, on such examination, they 
should be found deficient in improvement, the 
next inquiry would naturally be directed to the 
cause? Was it the remissness or incompe- 
tence of the instructor ; or was it the negli- 
gence, or dullness of the children ? If it was 
either of the former, the remedy would be a 
change of schools ; if it was the negligence of 
the child, let the parent co-operate faithfully 
with the instructor to produce a reform ; if it 
was his dullness, let not the parent blame the 
instructor for not achieving an impossibility. 

We will now suppose that a parent has 
placed his child at a school where every thing 



OFCHILDREN. 161 

is conducted on the part of the instructors, as 
it should be. What then is to be done ? As 
my general object Is to point out errors, I will 
rather suggest what is not to be done. — If the 
child writes home that he is highly delighted 
with his situation, and gives a very flattering 
account of himself, and of every thing around 
him, the parent is not, without examination, to 
take it for granted that there is proper ground 
for all this satisfaction. The real cause of 
this flattering picture may be, that he is suf- 
fered to do just as he pleases ; — he can play 
when he ought to study ; can be insolent with- 
out reproof; and can plot and execute a school- 
boy's pranks without detection, or with such a 
gentle admonition as amounts to a connivance, 
and emboldens him to repeat his mischievous 
adventures. It may be that he finds much to 
pamper his animal appetites, and little to stimu- 
late him to intellectual labor. It may be that 
he can practise many immoralities without fear 
or restraint, and receive commendation for what 
deserved rebuke. It would be well, then, to 
ascertain from imexceptionable sources, why it 
is that the child is so well satisfied ; and this 
can generally be done, if the necessary pains 



162 ON THE EDUCATION 

are taken. But it is a truth, as has been already 
intimated, that many parents rest easy so long 
as their children are gratified, and never think 
of making inquiries into the cause ; nay more, 
they will even humor the inclinations of the 
latter, when they know is to be done at the 
expense of their moral and intellectual improve- 
ment. 

Again, if a child writes home to his parents 
in a discontented tone, complains that he has 
too little liberty, and that the discipline is 
severe ; this affords no certain evidence that 
his complaints are just. He may possess an 
uneasy, or an indolent disposition, which his 
instructors have endeavored to correct ; he may 
have had a thousand imaginary wants which 
have not been supplied; he may have been 
arrested in some favorite, but mischievous 
course ; he may have found it difficult to suc- 
ceed in his wayward pranks ; he may have 
been recently punished for a fault ; or, what is 
equally to the purpose, he may be conscious of 
having committed one, and be dreading the con- 
sequences of detection. He may have uttered 
his complaints under the influence of any one 
of these motives, or all of them combined, and 



OFCHILDREN. 163 

with no just occasion for them whatever. He 
may have received the most judicious and pro- 
per treatment, with all the lenity which the 
case admitted. Who that is acquainted with 
human nature does not know that the passions, 
inclinations and habits, of either young or old, 
do not quietly yield to counteraction ; that an 
offender is not wont to praise either the mea 
sures or the agents employed for his reclama- 
tion ; and that one given to self-indulgence, 
views, with little complacency, the hand which 
thwarts his gratifications. Now, if a parent, 
on the reception of such complaints, gives full 
credence to them without investigating the facts 
in the case, he incurs the risk of injuring the 
child, and of doing injustice to his instructors. 
If he openly takes the part of his child, blames 
the instructors in his hearing, sympathizes with 
him, and caresses him as if with new affection, 
he prostrates, even if the child were wrongly 
dealt by, the authority of others over him. But 
should it turn out, as it commonly will, that the 
child has complained without cause, and that 
the instructors have only discharged their duty, 
the parent, by taking such a course, abets him 
in his faults, and hurries him to ruin. He is 



164 ON THE EDUCATION 

providing ample materials for his own future 
humiliation and sorrow ; and he will be con- 
vinced of his folly when the opportunity of 
remedying it will be lost. Yet there are pa- 
rents who conduct precisely in this manner ; 
who believe, without inquiry, all that their 
children tell them, and encourage them in trans- 
gression by espousing their cause, and vindicat- 
ing their errors. The more common evil, how- 
ever, is not to side directly, and openly, with 
their children in cases of this sort; oh no, — 
they are altogether too wise, and too discreet 
for that. They will express themselves so very 
guardedly ; will pass such prudent commenda- 
tions on the instructors ; will entertain such 
strong hopes that their children did not mean 
to conduct so as to grieve them ; and will have 
so many comforting things to suggest, as will 
readily convince the offenders that their parents 
are quite as well prepared to blame their in- 
structors as themselves. The very fact that 
instructors are not justified as well as not 
directly blamed, by the parents, will commonly 
convince the children that the latter espouse 
their cause ; but the smallest expression of con- 
dolence, any intimation of sympathy, the same 



OFCHILDREN. 165 

affectionate treatment as though nothing had 
happened, will be seized upon not only as com- 
plete proof that they are acquitted by their 
parents of blame as it respects the past, but as 
a token of future acquittal. 

It may be laid down as a maxim, to which I 
know no exceptions, that a child who is refrac- 
tory at school cannot be reclaimed by his in. 
structors without the co-operation and support 
of his parents ; or, in default of them, of his 
legitimate guardians. So long as there is a 
prospect of successful appeal to this ulterior 
tribunal, the resolve will be to make it ; and 
the appellant will govern his conduct according 
to that decision which he expects to prevail. It 
is folly to suppose that the authority of a 
teacher will ever prove paramount to that of 
a parent ; even a small abatement of it is suffi- 
cient, in most cases, to undermine the whole, 
and to render all attempts to assert it nugatory. 
This is not theory, but a truth founded on am- 
ple experience. Multitudes of children are 
dismissed from our public schools, solely be- 
cause the authority and wholesome require- 
ments of the instructors are not sustained at 
home. This may not, indeed, be the commence- 
15 



166 ON THE EDUCATION 

merit of the evil, but such is the consummation. 
The foundation of this indomitable temper 
which has come to this result, may have been, 
and usually has been, laid in the early failure 
of the parents to subdue it, or, what is Avorse, 
in their direct encouragement. "A child, when 
at school, soon shows whether he has been go- 
verned at home," has grown into an adage, the 
truth of which no instructor will be much 
disposed to question. Even a stubborn and 
refractory child will soon evince by his conduct 
whether he has been accustomed to parental 
discipline. It is not the mere possession of 
natural stubbornness, and refractoriness, of 
of spirit, which forms the criterion of judging 
in such cases, for these the best governed child 
may naturally have ; but it is the hesitating, 
suppressed, and chastened manner in which 
they are exhibited ; or else in their bold ebulli- 
tions, and in an insolent disregard of authority. 
A previously well governed child, when cor- 
rected for a fault, never tells his instructor, nor 
intimates to him, that his parents, if they knew 
it, would not permit him to be corrected ; he is 
cautious, rather, that his correction shall not come 
to their knowledge, lest he should receive it in 



OFCHILDREN. 167 

still greater measure. Such a child fears his pa- 
rents more, not less, than he does his instructors, 
and they are the last persons to whom he would 
appeal for redress of his imaginary grievances. 
Were they to be acquainted with his misde- 
meanors, and the consequent trouble in which 
they involved him, he would expect some sterner 
language of address than many offenders hear 
on such occasions. He would not expect the 
first salutation to be commenced with "my 
dear," and followed with a kiss ; nor to receive 
all the customary caresses and tokens of affec- 
tion as though nothing had happened, with no 
inquiries about his offence, and with no evidence 
of his contrition. Having received a letter 
from his parents, or having had an interview 
with them, he would not be able to give to 
some over-curious or sarcastic companion, that 
should inquire what they said to him, the tri- 
umphant reply, that they said nothing; — it 
would be a question which he would have little 
inclination either to hear, or to answer. When, 
after the receipt of such a letter, or after such 
an interview, a schoolboy swells with import- 
ance ; gives out his inuendoes that Mr. 

will not venture to repeat what he has done ; 



168 ON THE EDUCATION 

continues insolent in his behaviour, and shows 
a fearlessness of the future, it requires no 
prophet's vision to penetrate the cause. It is 
not necessary that a parent should say to his 
child, in so many words, I find no fault with 
what you have done; or you have done per- 
fectly right, and your teacher has been too 
hasty, or inconsiderate, or to blame; — every 
child, as fully as an adult, knows the different 
meaning between a kind, gracious reception, 
and a reserved and formal one; — he knows 
that the one admits him forthwith to wonted 
favor, and that the other defers it till interpos- 
ing difficulties be removed. He knows that 
reproof is not conveyed in the language of 
complacency, and that displeasure for a fault is 
not expressed by caresses. He perceives that 
his parent, though sufficiently fond to shield 
him from blame, intends also to be civil ; and 
that the instructor is not to be censured without 
the observances of good breeding. 

There is a mistake, yet different, into which 
a parent sometimes falls. He intends to be 
strict with his children ; never to justify them 
in their faults ; and to sustain the authority of 
those under whose guardianship they are placed 



OFCHILDREN. 169 

by his own act. He has, nevertheless, a greater 
partiality for his children than he is aware. He 
makes great allowances for their faults. On 
his catalogue of childish errors there are very 
many venial ones — "such as they will natu- 
rally out-grow," he receives accusations against 
them, but with very critical examination ; he 
even admits that his children have done wrong, 
— "but then has not their instructor gone 
rather too far? He would not say this to them 
for all the world;" — but his whole demeanor 
shows them that he thinks so. Then, perhaps, 
begins the reproof. " My dear child, father is 
very much grieved that his dear child has had 
such a story circulated against him. You 
know, my dear, that I never allow such things. 
You have read good books which forbid them, 
and have seen how they look when committed 
by other boys. / hope that things have been 
somewhat overstated, else I do not know how 
badly I should feel. Now, my dear, if you have 
really done as it is said, own it all, and I shall 
be willing to forgive you, and so, I have no 

doubt, will be Mr. , your instructor. I do 

not wish you, my dear, to own any thing which 
you have not done, but father cannot bear to 
15* 



170 ON THE EDUCATION 

see his son charged with a wrong act without 
knowing the truth." — The child, perhaps, con- 
fesses a part, and denies a part, of the allega- 
tions brought against him. So far as the con- 
fession goes, he is at once, and without com- 
ment, forgiven, and his word is taken for the 
rest. The parent remits him to the care of his 
teacher in the full belief of his repentance, and 
future amendment. If the teacher, however, 
should exhibit some mistrust of the genuineness 
of this reformation, and intimate an opinion 
that some more searching operation was needed 
to accomplish a cure, the parent would deem 
him quite uncharitable, and his views of govern- 
ment much too rigid and austere. All this 
while the parent would consider himself a pat- 
tern of orthodoxy on the subject of a strict — 
very strict — education of children; would ex- 
patiate largely on its importance; refer to cases 
where a neglect of it had been attended with 
disastrous consequences ; commend the instruc- 
tor for his well meant fidelity ; and wish that 
other parents would take better care of their 
children. 

I took occasion to speak, in another place, of 
the reluctance of many parents to hear the 



O F C H I L D R E N. 171 

faults of their children mentioned by friends 
and neighbors. The" reluctance is not less 
when the mention of faults is made by instruc- 
tors, although the manifestation of it may be 
more guarded, on the score of the general duty 
which is devolved on the latter, and the mani- 
fest propriety of their fulfilling it. But neither 
duty nor propriety is sufficient to screen them 
from the censure of some who are more anxious 
to shield their children from the imputation of 
blame, than from the commission of wrong. 
Whenever a teacher informs a parent that his 
child has conducted amiss, the presumption cer- 
tainly is, that he tells the truth. The character 
of our public teachers is always, may I not say, 
such as to afford a pledge that they will speak 
the truth. Their interest, clearly, is such as 
to induce them never to bring an ill report 
against a pupil without cause ; and even with 
one, they are under a strong temptation to 
maintain silence. The fact is, the temptation 
to conceal the misconduct of their pupils from 
the knowledge of parents, both on account of 
the reputation of the school, and the well 
known aversion of the parents to be informed 
of this sort of truth, is so very powerful, that 



172 ON THE EDUCATION 

few instructors summon up sufficient resolution 
to perform the ungracious office. To obtain 
their good will, many instructors conceal from 
them almost every thing that is wrong in the 
conduct of their scholars ; to avoid their dis- 
pleasure, others disclose but a very little of 
what is amiss ; and none exaggerate their pu- 
pils' misdeeds, against every motive that can be 
named. While the instructor has thus no mo- 
tive to prefer fictitious charges against his pu- 
pil, or to exaggerate those which are well 
founded, the pupil, on the other hand, has 
strong inducements, if he be really in fault, to 
hide his guilt, and to practise on a parent's cre- 
dulity. A sense of shame, the love of carrying 
a point, the desire of some indirect retaliation 
on his teacher, the hope of transgressing in fu- 
ture with impunity, and the wish Xo maintain 
himself in his parent's good graces, all tempt 
him to resort to deception. If he is tired with 
the restraints of the place, now is the time to 
bring surmises and reports against it. If he 
can make his parents believe that he is injured 
and abused, he knows that he shall triumph. In 
anticipation of this glorious event he already 
bids farewell to scenes and things which have 



OFCHILDREN. 173 

no charms for a spirit like his. — With all these 
truths staring him in the face, how can a parent 
justify himself in resenting the faithfulness of a 
teacher who informs him of his children's 
faults; in giving credence to all their com- 
plaints and representations, both against and 
without evidence, and in being more ready to 
impute blame to men of years, of tried inte- 
grity, and worth, than to inexperienced, thought- 
less, headstrong boys, even if these boys hap- 
pen to be their own sons ? When will parents 
learn that their own sons can do wrong ; that 
descent from themselves confers no exclusive 
prerogatives — no exemption from the common 
attributes of humanity? — that transgression in 
their children is the same thing as transgres- 
sion in those of other people ; and that a teach- 
er, when he censures the conduct of their sons, 
or daughters, is just as worthy of credit and 
confidence as when he does the like in respect 
to the children of other men ! Let parents love 
their offspring with all the ardor which their 
relation to them warrants ; but let not their 
love degenerate into idolatry, and folly ; let it 
not destroy their sense of moral obligation, nor 
make them forget those social ties which bind 



174 ON THE EDUCATION 

themselves to the rest of mankind, nor the dic- 
tates of. impartial justice. I do not ask them 
to value the truth for its own sake merely — for 
there is, in reality, no such thing — but I would 
invite them to value and abide by it, for their own 
and their children's sake, and for the happy con- 
sequences which would inevitably follow. There 
is no necessity that a parent should be blind to 
his children's characters, any more than he should 
be blind to their height, or color. God has given 
him powers of mental perception, and made 
him accountable for their right use. If he sinks 
them in a blind partiality, or prostitutes them 
to selfish feelings and ends, he sins against the 
appointment of Heaven, and contravenes the 
very object which he professes to seek. In- 
stead of treating the instructor, who is so honest 
and faithful as to inform him of his children's 
faults, with coldness or resentment, the parent 
ought to thank him for the performance of an 
act of kindness, and, by a prompt co-operation, 
to profit by the intelligence. By such a course 
many a child would be reclaimed, and rescued 
from future evil, who now, through a misplaced 
partiality, and untimely sympathy, is encour- 
aged to a progressive perseverance in error. 
Most of the remarks which have now been 



OFCHILDREN. 175 

made in relation to the treatment of children 
when placed at school, will apply to the treat- 
ment of them when put in other situations. If 
a parent designs to put his son an apprentice 
to some trade, or business, or to send him from 
home in pursuit of any employment, prudence 
would dictate that he should look well to the 
temptations and exposures which the youth 
will be called to encounter. Yet, if I mistake 
not, parents are prone more to inquire whether 
a situation or employment will prove to be lu- 
crative, than whether it is safe from temptation. 
They are sufficiently ready to inquire about 
prospects of gain, and to provide for the dress, 
and genteel appearance of their sons ; but ask 
few questions how they spend their leisure 
hours, to what places they resort, and with 
whom they associate. Nor do they inquire so 
much whether the person who employs them is 
exemplary in his own behaviour, and a vigilant 
guardian to those whom he has taken into his 
business, as whether he is good-natured and 
easy. But in many cases, and nearly always 
in our populous towns and cities, it makes little 
difference whether the employer is himself a 
correct manager in this respect, for he seldom 



176 ON THE EDUCATION 

boards his clerks, or apprentices, in his own fa- 
mily. They are left to find quarters where 
they please, or where they can, with no respon- 
sible person to watch their conduct, or sound 
an alarm on the approach of danger. What 
wonder is it, if multitudes, thus situated, fall into 
the seductive snares which beset their path, and 
terminate their course in shame and poverty ? 
A parent ought to consider that property is de- 
sirable only as the means of usefulness and hap- 
piness to its possessor; and that a person can 
attain to neither without habits of virtue, in- 
dustry, and economy. These latter are to be 
sought and obtained as first in order ; because 
without them property, if possessed, would be 
prostituted to vile purposes, and be soon squan- 
dered ; and with them, he has the means of sup- 
port in his own hands, and resources on which 
he can draw in all his future progress through 
life. I repeat it, therefore, let these be first ob- 
tained ; and let every parent see to it that he 
inculcates them on his children. Let him never 
place them where these shall be exposed to risk. 
In seeking a situation for his son abroad, let his 
first and main inquiry be, where can I place 
him free from danger to his moral, industrious, 



O F C H I L D R E N . 177 

and economical habits ? Should a situation be 
presented ever so alluring with regard to pro- 
spects of immediate or future gain, but holding 
out temptations to vice and idleness, or in any 
way calculated to draw a youth away from vir- 
tue and a regular attention to his business, let 
him pause before he subjects his son to such a 
hazard. Let him also see that he does not lay 
the foundation of his ruin at home, before he 
commits him to new and untried circumstances 
abroad. If he does not previously fortify him 
against future perils by a careful and diligent 
formation of early habits, and the infusion of 
right principles, he is himself instrumental in 
producing the evils which shall afterwards en- 
sue. It is not to be expected that one who has 
received the elements of corruption at home, 
with greater checks and fewer temptations, will 
escape unharmed with less restraint, and with 
more numerous incitements to a profligate life. 
16 



CHAPTER VIII. 

Containing general observations. — Ear Jy condition of those now in 
middle life, and possessed of properly and reputation — Condition, 
at this period, of those whose parents were wealthy.— Causes of 
the different results.— Danger of departing from the republican 
simplicity of our fathers. — Right education of our youth connected 
with the future welfare of the country. 

Should we inquire into the early histories 
of those men in our country who are now in 
middle life, and in possession of wealth and an 
honorable fame, we should find that most of 
them were of humble though respectable origin, 
and began the world with poverty, or with an 
outfit at best but moderate. We should find 
that very few of them, indeed, were the inheri- 
tors of wealth ; and all of them would inform 
us, that they had been strict observers of indus- 
try, and regular attention to business. On the 
other hand should we search the histories of 
those whose fathers were wealthy, Ave should 
find a large proportion of them, at that period 
of life, reduced in property, and many of them 
poor. We should also discover that most of 



EDUCATION OF CHILDREN. 179 

these individuals had fallen into this condition 
in consequence of idle, and dissolute habits; or 
from their ignorance of business, and inatten- 
tion to its concerns. So far as there should be 
honorable exceptions to this class, we should 
learn that the persons embraced by it had pur- 
sued a different course — had been early taught 
the value of property, and trained to industry 
and economy. Perhaps their parents had been 
blamed by their more knowing acquaintance 
for their parsimonious views, and unnecessary 
strictness ; and themselves been subjected in 
their youthful days to much criticism on their 
needless observance of parental whims, and 
their premature advancement to the sobriety of 
old men. It has been oftentimes remarked that 
in our own country, where there are no laws of 
entailment, family estates are never transmitted 
beyond the third generation ; — that they sel- 
dom remain unimpaired in the hands of the se- 
cond, — and are commonly lost even by the first. 
This remark has been the result of experience 
and observation, and it corroborates what I 
have now advanced. I suppose, however, that 
my general position will he recognised as true 



180 ON THE EDUCATION 

by all who are acquainted with the general 
state of society as it here exists. 

If the statement which I have now made is 
no more than correct in the main, it presents a 
subject for contemplation by no means flatter- 
ing to human pride. The thought that one's 
labors, and well-earned honors and possessions, 
instead of redounding to the ultimate benefit 
and happiness of his descendants, will contri- 
bute to their injury, is sufficient to produce 
very unwelcome anticipations, and to overcast 
the future with shadows which can hardly fail 
to darken, to a greater or less extent, the pre- 
sent sunshine of his prosperity. But is such a 
state of things natural, and necessary ; or is it 
artificial, and avoidable ? This is a grave 
question, and merits consideration. 

It will not be pretended that the possession 
of wealth, honors, and distinction by the parent, 
can of itself have any influence on the native 
powers of his child. — His child comes into 
the world with the same pliability of faculties, 
with the same capability of receiving good or 
bad impressions, and of being moulded and 
formed to right or wrong action as other chil- 
dren. If he is exposed by his situation to some 



O F C H I L D R E N . 181 

temptations from which the son of a poor man is 
exempt, so too is he free from some to which the 
other is exposed, and enjoys advantages which 
the other does not possess. We must look, 
then, for the causes of the evil in question be- 
yond any natural condition in which the sons 
of the wealthy are placed, and trace it to others 
more likely to produce the effect. Now what 
should be more likely to produce it than a course 
of education and treatment just the reverse of 
those which were attended with success in the 
case of the parents themselves, and precisely 
the same as those which have been found, by 
uniform experience, to have a disastrous issue ? 
Were the children of the wealthy trained to 
regular, virtuous, sober, and industrious habits; 
were they taught the practice of self-denial, in- 
stead of being accustomed to unbounded indulg- 
ence ; were they instructed in the business of 
acquiring and keeping property, instead of be- 
ing allowed and incited to spend it ; were they 
taught to appreciate its value and its legitimate 
uses, rather than to view it as worthless for any 
other purpose than that of dissipation ; were 
they brought to believe that frugality and in- 
dustry are honorable, and that idleness and ex- 
16* 



182 ON THE EDUCATION 

travagance are mean and contemptible ; — were 
they made — yes, were they made to believe 
and practise thus, then should we see them 
pursuing a career as felicitous in its progress 
and termination, as it usually is calamitous. 
Whatever may be the natural abilities, tempers, 
and dispositions of men, it must be acknow- 
ledged that what is commonly called character 
is acquired. The former are subject to innu- 
merable modifications, and from these the latter 
is formed. " Just as you would have me, make 
me," may, without much hyperbole, be address- 
ed to every parent by his child. On all the 
diversified characters of men the lineaments 
of their education are drawn with a visible im- 
press which cannot be mistaken, and indicate 
with clearness the process by which they were 
formed. — 1 do not subscribe entirely to the 
opinion which has been advanced by some, that 
if parents would discharge the whole of their 
duty to their children, faithfully and con- 
scientiously, the latter would never go astray. 
I know of no M^arrant, either from Scripture, or 
experience, that such would be the uniform re- 
sult. Our first parents were created holy, and 
endowed with intelligence equal, we may sup- 



OFCHILDREN. 183 

pose, to that of their descendants ; they had the 
Great Father of us all for their immediate 
guide and counsellor ; they were beset with the 
fewest conceivable temptations to err, and had 
every inducement to do well. Yet, under all 
these circumstances they went astray. What 
assurance have we, then, that the utmost fidelity 
of parents, as the world now is, will secure the 
virtue and happiness of their children? Still 
we have ample reason to believe that were they 
as faithful as they might be, and as their duty 
demands, the instances of such gross aberra- 
tion on the part of children as we now witness 
would be comparatively rare. The cases to 
which I have just alluded, and which have been 
adverted to in the preceding pages, are suffi- 
cient to account for most of the disastrous 
effects which we deplore. Were they removed, 
and more appropriate ones substituted in their 
room, far happier results would meet our eyes, 
and gladden our hearts. 

Let it not be supposed, that in what has been 
said respecting the children of the wealthy, ex- 
clusive or invidious reference is had to them. 
Their case, in some particulars, is a prominent 
one, both as it regards their peculiar advantages, 



184 ON THE EDUCATION 

and their peculiar exposures. When property 
is consecrated to a good use, it dignifies its pos- 
sessor, and benefits mankind. Hence its per- 
version to wrong uses excites general regret ; 
and the evil which is done is the more conspi- 
cuous from the influence on society which pro- 
perty gives to its owner. But we havp many 
parents who, with moderate means, and there- 
fore with the less excuse, tread in the steps of 
their wealthier neighbors, and indulge their 
children in expensive habits which they cannot 
afford. They exhibit the same inattention to 
the formation of their characters ; and are en- 
titled to the same animadversion on the general 
course which they pursue, with the additional 
consideration, that they err against peculiar 
motives to adopt a different procedure. The 
happy progress of their children through life is 
dependent, in a manner which cannot be mis- 
taken, on their habits of industry and economy. 
As these start in the world, not only is " a good 
name," emphatically to them, " better than 
riches;" — it is all the wealth which they have. 
This truth should be impressed on their minds 
by every method which is fitted to render it ef- 
fective and indelible. 



O F C H I L D R E N . IBd 

We boast much, in this country, of our re- 
publican principles and institutions. But do 
we sufficiently consider how fast we are depart- 
ing from republican plainness and simplicity, 
in our manners and habits? — Luxury, extrava- 
gance in dress and equipage, fondness of dis- 
play, love of ease, and effeminacy in various 
forms have infected the various classes of 
society. Wealth has brought with it the 
means of gratification, and they have been 
liberally used. The progressive development 
of our resources, foreign intercourse, the culti- 
vation of the refined and useful arts, and even 
the advancement of literature and science, have 
all lent their aid in this concern. The general 
tendency of the social state among us is to fos- 
ter and encourage a sickly refinement ; to mul- 
tiply facilities for living without labor; and to 
produce a disrelish for manly efibrt. How far 
these, and many other of our modern tastes and 
habits, comport with the stern demands of re- 
publicanism, and how well they promise to give 
perpetuity to those privileges which we profess 
to esteem and to cherish so highly, I do not 
say. Our ancestors, certainly, were a race of 
men accustomed to a state of society, and pos 
sessed of views and feelings, of a quite difl'erent 



186 ON THE EDUCATION 

cast. From such men we received our institu- 
tions, broadly and deeply laid. Whether we 
shall preserve them unimpaired, and complete 
the structure so well begun, if we continue to 
depart from their example, is a great national 
problem which is yet to be solved. Every va- 
riation in a system which has thus far wrought 
so well, and in usages which have heretofore 
proved salutary, should be watched with a 
jealous eye. 

Education has been too much treated by our 
countrymen as though it consisted in mere in- 
tellectual culture, and a certain refinement and 
gentility of manners. The formation of the 
moral man, and submissiveness to rightful 
authority, have, to a great extent, become 
neglected. The latter has been treated as 
though it were meanness of spirit, and consti- 
tuted no part of a manly, or useful character. 
But if submissiveness to rightful authority be 
not a duty, we may as well deny the existence 
of the authority itself; for this becomes dead, 
of course, a mere nullity, where its claims are 
not supported. Regard it, however, as we 
please, there is not a lovelier trait in the hu- 
man character, than this same submissive temper ; 



OFCHILDRBN. 187 

none which conforms a man more to the 
image of his Saviour — none which more assi- 
milates him to angels — none which more fits 
him for the society of the blessed hereafter. 
There is no one trait which goes farther in 
making a good child, and a useful, quiet, citi- 
zen. We hazard too much, then, in discarding 
this virtue from our systems of education ; in 
so doing we open the door wide to the licen- 
tious misrule of turbulent passions, and make 
every man the sole arbiter of his own conduct, 
the sole executor of his own decisions. To 
whatever extent we may cultivate the intellec- 
tual faculties, we can never make, in any sense, 
a virtuous and good man without moral culture. 
It is of no avail to give a man knowledge, un- 
less you give him also a disposition to use it to 
good purpose. Along with it give him a dis- 
position to do evil, and you have made him a 
formidable fiend. We have talked too much, 
and too long, as though the salvation of our 
country depended on the mere enlightening of 
the minds of the people, without regard to 
moral virtue; or as though the latter consisted 
only in a mental illumination from Avhich the 
principles of morality and virtue might be ex- 



18S ON THE EDUCATION 

eluded. There has been a delusion on this 
subject which ought to be dissipated. It is the 
moral virtue of the people which will prove 
their highest safeguard ; — it is the want of it 
which will prove their ruin. If knowledge is 
power, as it has truly been said to be, let it be 
placed in the hands of the good and virtuous, 
to be wielded for the common benefit, and not 
in the hands of those who are destitute of moral 
worth, to be employed for mischievous pur- 
poses. While we insist with great propriety 
on giving the people this power, let us more- 
over give them that which will ensure their 
using it to wise ends, and not in the production 
of evil. 

The topics treated of in the preceding pages, 
however humble they may be in appearance, 
have an important bearing on the future pro- 
sperity of our country. The youth of the 
present generation are to constitute the future 
men and women who shall adorn and bless 
society, or affect it with a malignant influence. 
They are now acquiring, in the discipline 
which they receive, the characters which will 
fit them for the one, or the other, of these ends. 



OFCHILDREN. 189 

It should not be forgotten that those who con- 
trol the education of the young, have the future 
destiny of their country in their hands. If the 
progress of society, for one generation only, 
shall be downward, we must anticipate a still 
greater declension of the next, and so of suc- 
ceeding ones ; as each will form the character 
of the one which shall follow. Such a declen- 
sion may, indeed, be checked by the operation 
of extraordinary and unexpected causes ; but 
these are only exceptions to the natural course 
of events. The situation of parents in relation 
to the education of their children we thus see 
to be one of high responsibility, involving a 
vast amount of happiness, or misery, both pre- 
sent and to come. While we regard the insti- 
tutions and laws under which we live as in- 
separably connected with the welfare of the 
nation, and while we deem it indispensable that 
the manners, morals, and usages of society 
should be preserved pure and safe, we must 
remember that they who frame the former, and 
introduce or model the latter, received the rudi- 
ments of their own characters, whether good 
or bad, from the hands of their parents, or of 
those who had the charge of their early educa- 
17 



190 EDUCATION OF CHILDREN 

tion. From these they imbibed their first no- 
tions of right and wrong, and a moral bias 
wljich influenced all their future actions. The 
image of the future man was indelibly stamped 
on each in the season of youth, with strong 
prognostications of his future value or worth- 
lessness to society. Not only as parents, then, 
but as patriots and good citizens, we must regard 
the right education of our youth with deep in- 
terest. Here is an object which the most exalted 
tn pointfof talents, or station, may deem it ho- 
norable to promote ; and in the achievement of 
which, we have the happiness to know, that the 
humblest individual who sustains the relation 
of a parent, or a teacher, may take an efiicient 
and useful part. 



WfP^^0^^W^W^' LIBRARY OF CONGRESS {ft 1 




